YO VINNIE,
I've recently been invited to an orgy. I want to go because I figure this is a once in a lifetime event, and based on the invite it seems exceedingly uncool for me to make mention of this, but I don't want to engage in any homosexual activity. Is there a way for me to bring this up before attending without seeming like some sort of repressed freak?--A.S. (by email)

Dear Morrisey: You know at one point a relatively unschooled friend of mine was asking me in tones both mythical and mystified to offer opinions on hookers. "Yeah, ok...do you pay her and just start fucking?" "What if she was really sexually abused as a kid? Does this make it wrong?" "OK, does she like...." And I finally had to tell him that at last check hookers were really just WOMEN who came from Planet Earth and so it goes with this goddamned orgy. If a man on the street wants to suck your cock, what do you do? If you say, "YES," much like probably everybody at MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME who say they are NOT gay but harbor secret desires, you go for it and no problem. If you say "NO," unless this is a prison orgy, this will probably be enough to keep your crank out of the grizzled maw of some heavily muscled dude that had taken a fancy to you.

The point is this though: handle it on a case by case basis and don't do anything you don't want to do.

Note: if you get through the door and there are NO WOMEN at this orgy, well all bet's are off.