Rocker Vince Neil says: “Girls are Icky”
DATELINE: ITALIAN SALVO
With such songs under his belt like “Girls, Girls, Girls” and “Kick Start my Heart” who would have thought that bad boy Rocker Vince Neil of Motley Crue eschews the company of women.
Asked to comment on charges that he assaulted a prostitute at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch in Reno. Vince Neil stated “Yuck! Girls have cooties and there is no room in my club for icky girls,” at which point Neil sat down on the floor, crossed his arms defiantly across his chest, and made a pouty face. When asked why he was so upset, Rocker Neil began turning his head side to side and holding his breath. This continued up until I handed the Crue front man a lollypop and told him that I thought girls were “Icky too.”
To which a more relaxed Vince Neil told me about his clubhouse and his imaginary friend Stu.
These are my FRIENDS!!! And they're BOYS too!!!"
Later on in the interview a much more candid Neil showed us his GI Joe dolls, commenting that they were not dolls but in fact “action figures” and also the fact that he would not let “Icky booger girls” ever play with his GI Joe action figures.
Neil attorney Robert Shapiro could not be reached for comment.
Moonlite Bunny Ranch owner Dennis Hof also could not be reached for comment. However, Hof did tell the New York Daily News that Neil and Terry had gotten into an argument because he didn’t want to have sex with her.
Neil had stopped at the Brothel on July 9th after a concert in Reno.
FROM THE BOARD ROOM TO THE BEDROOM TO THE BATHROOM TO THE CLOSET: One Woman's Long, Hard Journey to the TOP!!! in ONE ACT
Every now and then some MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME regular just pops off with some totally genius shit. I mean shit that's so good you think that they stole it from somewhere else. Well this is like that. Our own ITALIAN SAL has distinguished himself as somewhat of a dramaturge and so here, for the first time, we're presenting a ONE ACT of his that stands heads and shoulders with the best of a Beckett or an Ionesco. We mean it's that kind of good. Plus it's true. Every word of it. Not like those fucking losers who had to make shit UP. Anyways, forthwith, ITALIAN SAL--playwrite, poet, pioneer--presents for your enjoyment, his latest.
SETTING: An apartment somewhere.
CHARACTERS: TINA, a woman of 24 with tousled hair; and ITALIAN SAL.
TIME: The other fucking night.
ITALIAN SAL: GET IN THAT GODDAMN BATHROOM! And you aren’t coming out until Howard Stern is over!
TINA: (crying) I WILL NOT SIT IN THAT BATHROOM! I'M GOING HOME!
ITALIAN SAL: Go then! Roll out!
TINA makes an overly dramatic exit, flipping ITALIAN SAL off on the way out the door.
He settles in to watch the rest of Howard Stern.
[Ten minutes later.]
ITALIAN SAL: (looking out his door into the front lobby) What are you still doing here? HUH?!?
TINA: (silently crying on the steps) I’m not going in your bathroom.
ITALIAN SAL: Aw, come on back in, baby.
TINA: (Getting up and drying her tears) Really?
ITALIAN SAL: Yes, really. Come in. (Standing aside to let her in.)
TINA: I am not going to sit in your bathroom! (Walking past him into the apartment.)
ITALIAN SAL: Of course not baby. Of course not. You're gonna sit in the closet.
TINA: Okay, but I’m not sitting in your BATHROOM! (Making her way to the closet.)
ITALIAN SAL: No. No bathroom, I was wrong to do that. (Opening up the closet door and making way for her.)
TINA: (sitting down in the closet) Because, I’m not your dog.
ITALIAN SAL: (shutting the door) Of course you're not.
Making his way back to the couch, ITALIAN SAL begins watching Howard Stern again while a disembodied voice from the closet breaks through over the din of the television.
TINA: (from inside the closet) Because, I’m, I’m, I’m not your dog. I deserve respect!
ITALIAN SAL: (lying on the couch) Of course you do baby. Good night…
Silence. Except for the television.
EXEUNT.
The author comments:
The beauty of this empowering dramatic piece is that it all really happened as we've spelled it out here. Here's a pre-closet picture of TINA
In the bathroom...on her triumphant way to the closet!
I mean some vignettes make you laugh. Some make you cry. And some, yes, some just make you sit in the closet.
HOW TO MAKE EVERYONE IN SAN FERNANDO VALLEY SAY "OH SHIT"
Record amount of crystal methamphetamine seized in California raid; two arrested
08-05) 17:01 PDT SAN GABRIEL, Calif. (AP) --
More than 70 pounds of crystal methamphetamine with an estimated $3 million street value was recovered in the nation's largest-ever seizure of the illegal drug, federal and local law enforcement officials said Tuesday.
Sunday's raid east of Los Angeles was the largest amount of crystal meth, also called "ice," ever seized in the United States, said DEA special agent in charge John Fernandes.
Arrested for investigation of manufacturing methamphetamine for sale and conspiracy were Thai Tung Luong, 42, and Chun Yin Jao, 61.
Distributor Bobby Ryan, Thai "Stick" Luong, and Chin "Wow" Jao about to embark on six simultaneously started projects that will never get finished.
Both men, their eyes like fucking saucers, were jailed without bail being set prior to arraignments to be held Tuesday. Said Luong proclaiming his innocence and grinding his teeth "There's just been a terrible misunderstanding. This is, ah, um, a special chinese herb, known to us Chinese for fucking centuries as being good for weight loss, alertness and just, ah, general pep. Did I ever tell you about that dog I had named Pep? Jesus that dog was great. I taught him how to balance a ping pong ball on his goddamned nose. Took me a whole month straight. But, ah, my point was that this has just been a terrible misunderstanding and that Pep, my dog, left some of his FLEA powder around and an over-zealous prosecution, trying to burnish a sadly inadequate record of convictions decided to crank down, haha...I mean crack down on the supposed recreational use of dog pharmaceuticals, uh...what the fuck are you looking?"
