THEY CALL HIM THE EURO TUNNEL!
Okay, just because we’re in France, the land where they love that game with the round ball played by guys in mullets who suck cock DOESN’T mean that every single sandal wearing Frenchmen is like GAY. I mean it doesn’t mean that--and as I stand with tattoo god extraordinaire, Jean-Luc of VIVA DOLOR TATTOO
--that I think he’s GAY because he got glossed with the totally GAY sounding name of Jean-Luc. Fuck NO.
Jean Luc. HE'S NOT GAY!
“You ever hear of ze MCRA?” He’s leering at me and raising his eyebrows like he got his cock caught in the cookie jar.
“Mom’s Cocks Right in the Ass?”
“You weesh. Besides that would be MCRITA.”
“Don’t you NEVER correct my fucking Englishistics you French fuck. Why I oughta….”
“Lissen lissen….it stands for MotoClub Rhone Alpes. They have this guy, name of Euro Tunnel. I mean zey call him the Euro Tunnel. And you know why? He takes TWO, not one, but TWO fists up the ass at the same time.”
And Jean Luc, whose totally fucking swank ass house I’m staying at tonight, continues.
“Yes. I show it to you.”
“Ah. Nah. That’s okay. Say, hombre, how come I, uh, I, like never met your girlfriend?”
“Oh. Well she is always away. But anyway at the end…”
Jesus Fucking H on a Stick Christ. I understand po-mo homo humor as much as the next fucking non-homo dude but I have to say that I could never have said ANYTHING about watching some of this shit all the way to the END.
Mar-rone!
THE END. But, but, but, wait…I mean I DID watch that dog fucking video until the END but that’s because after awhile I forget it was chicks fucking dogs. Well maybe it’s the same with Hands Across the Anus.
“Wait, wait, wait….are the fists up the assius clay belonging to chicks or dudes?”
“Heyyyyy….chicks, of course!”
“Ah good.”
Fuck. Okay. I’m okay.
“Or maybe you want to see Black Walls. TEN big fucking Black guys fuck this one guy and at the END he says, haha, is that all you have? Haha.”
Ha. Ha. Fucking Ha.
NEWSFLASH: NOT THAT ANYBODY’S ASKING WE’D STILL FUCK GINGER LYNN. WE MEAN EVEN IF SHE DID FUCK CHARLIE SHEEN
(LOS ANGELES, CA) -- Ginger Bred Productions [http://www.gingerpicks.com ] is going to start shooting its first series, "Ginger Picks," and, ah, who the fuck cares?….was there ever a more unregenerate dynamite, sluterrific piece of ass than Ginger Lynn?….she makes Jenna Jameson look like she’s fucking asleep. Goddamn IT!
Ginger? Is that YOU?!? We thought you were dead?!?!
VINNIE ROSE IS SEXIST PIG
I think you should know that I am absolutely MORTALLY offended that I and other women like me (this seems to be a men's thing, after all) weren't invited to be part of this "elite group of writers"!
What? Women can't be funny and cutting-edge about sex? We don't wanna get laid because we can turn a phrase really, really well? (Actually, we probably don't, but we can. We just don't have to.) I am SO ashamed of you! You, of all people, should know better! ;-)
"It's their world" my hind leg! It's OUR world (we have the pussies, after all), and if they realized that, maybe they'd get laid more often. ;-)
If they're planning to ignore the distaff side of the industry, they'll be cutting their own throats. No, wait.... Maybe we can do that for them –or at least terrorize them with the threat of "Bobbitization." ;-)
HUGS!!!!!!!! (with a steak knife in my back pocket)
Cat, AVNonline.com
VINNIE RESPONDS:
Cat,
Vinnie Rose from Skullgame.com here. Loved your letter, baby, and just wanted to say that THE CHICKS on our staff more than ably hold it down for your side of the street, but really fuck that. Let's talk about youse and me and the bond that will inevitably spring up between two fated people whom fate has thrust so rudely together and who presently find themselves in the grips of fate and a love thang that barely has a name.
You know what we mean.
ciao, bella...
Vinnie
