Vinnie!
What are the chances of my wife of the last 14 years wanting to have a 3 way with a hooker? Our sex life is really dry. I have been seeing the same prostitute for the last year and a half. I feel so guilty every time so I was think that if my wife wanted to do this as well it would not be cheating.--Mid Life Crisis, Lancaster, CA

Mr. Soon to Be Wearing a Barrel and Pushing a Grocery Cart: Are you out of your fucking mind? Listen, Anton LaVey from the Church of Satan said that popularity had killed more people—that is, the desire for—than just about anything else he could think of. And in this instance it's what's about to kill you. You feel GUILTY so the best thing you can think of to unburden yourself is to tell your wife that you want an open relationship/threesome with a hooker?!?! Listen, you want to know what the best way is? The LATIN way. You keep your mistress on the side, your wife sucks off the pool boy every now and then, and everybody goes away happy, their notion of reality remarkably unsullied by all of those destructive new age ideas about truth and honesty. I mean if your wife was in the slightest bit freaky, after 14 years, believe me you'd KNOW it. Unless of course the problem is YOU. In which case, in my professional opinion, I'd have to ask for her email so that I could undertake a totally professional study to replace the Pool Boy.