THIS edition of SkullGame is brought to you by The Egyptian Tourism Board: "Egypt: It's A Real Mighty Fine Country of Non-Jews. Or Armenians. Who Will Try To Sell You Radios."
DOING BUSINESS WITH AN ARMENIAN: PREDICTABILITY IN ACTION.
MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ THOUGH PUERTO RICAN, IS NO FAN OF TOILET PLUNGER ASS RAPE. REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE HEARD FROM YOUR MEXICAN POT DEALER.
WHILE THE SULTRY LEATHER PANTS LOOK WORKS ON THE OUTSIDE, IN THE JOINT IT SPELLS ONLY ONE THING: LESBIAN PLUNGER ASS RAPE.
HAWAII (SkullGame) -- Actress MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ had an "amazing experience" in prison and has no regrets about being locked up. We mean outside of that whole unfortunate plunger-up-the-ass thing.
The actress, who plays Ana Lucia on the hit show Lost, and did not adequately account for the plunger ass fucking or even the possibility of plunger ass fucking, foolishly chose a jail sentence instead of 240 hours community service after being convicted of drunk-driving last month. She spent 65 hours behind bars.
Rodriguez says, "It was so cool. I love people, and it was a primal crew. The only thing that keeps them going is fighting for salt and making dice out of soap. And my mocha cream-colored ass.
"It was an amazing experience. I wouldn't take it back for anything. Well, all except for the prolapsed colon thing.
"I have a really good belief in destiny. It's, like, if I'm gonna be killed in there, I'm gonna be killed in there. But, yes, you are right. I could not have accounted for what an attractive target my ass would be for women jailed away from any reasonable source or sexual outlet."
"I represent the people, you know what I mean? I had love in there. People got where I'm coming from on the business end of a plunger."
And Rodriguez spent her time behind bars creatively.
She adds, "Drawing pictures for everybody on their shirts. Writing poetry. And singing show tunes with the girls. ... I'm not surprised they raped my ass."
CHARLIE SHEEN BATTLES PIMPS FOR THE AFFECTION OF HOOKER, OR OTHER.
IT'S PRECISELY THIS SORT OF PRESS INACCURACY THAT WE DEPLORE. OUR APOLOGIES ARE THUSLY EXTENDED TO PORNSTAR JODY FOSTER.
NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- CHARLIE SHEEN has denied accusations from a jailed escort agency owner that he enjoyed sex romps with two call girls.
Jason Itzler -- who is incarcerated on Riker's Island, N.Y., on prostitution and money-laundering charges -- alleges the star hired two of the sexiest girls from his New York Confidential escort service and dressed them as cheerleaders.
He says, "They loved Charlie. They said he was a great guy and a great lover.
"One time, he had them dress up like cheerleaders and they chanted, 'Charlie, Charlie, he's our man! If he can't do it, nobody can!'"
But Sheen's publicist Stan Rosenfield tells SkullGame, "Charlie says the story is 100 percent bogus. He is not their man, he cannot do that which is clear, every one can. And he favors whores and not cheerleaders. (Itzler) is just trying to save his ass. From a plunger ass raping."
Sheen and his wife Denise Richards are currently embroiled in acrimonious divorce proceedings, with Richards claiming in legal papers the actor was obsessed with Internet porn and gambling and made threats toward her and her family when Richards first decided their marriage was over last year.
JUDGE ROY BEAN WRITES LETTER TO A SLUT
IS THIS THE FACE, OR THE ASS, FOR THAT FACT, OF A WOMAN WHO DOES NOT WANT SAUSAGE?
"Dear Slut By The Name of IRIS BREEN...I can appreciate your dilemma, and your feigning NOT recognizing me. Playing is fun, but don't expect me to blindly accept the notion that I don't make an impression. Nonetheless, carry on--I think it's kinda cute.
The scenario: we meet up for drinks, which we consume heartily and merrily. You do that whole bitching part of the clause and I tolerate it because...well...I have breasts to look at. I interject, where fit, and attempt to solve your problems for you--to no avail, as you would rather air your dirty laundry than clean it, which is fine because I can surely empathize. No judgements, no expectations.
My stipulation is this: you give me a time frame and we abide by that ESPECIALLY if we hate each other, because that's always much more fun to deal with. The slightest hint that you have something better to do will end in me getting up (while saying that I'm using the bathroom) only to leave you with the tab; because if you give me the cold shoulder I have no choice but to reciprocate--and it's easier to deal with rejection by being a total dick than it is accepting your imperfections. This is also a pride thing.
No rules outside of this. If I were looking for tail I wouldn't expend this much effort. At .75 a word, which is my going rate, I could afford a hooker or a Marina girl for the night, just in this email. Truth be told, I may not even shave beforehand--just to prove a point; though I refuse to dress poorly under the assumption that I may just end up picking some girl up from the bar we are drinking at. What I want is this: a person honest about their dishonesty, and the epiphanies that are sure to follow thereafter.
Thanks for reading this far you illiterate whore. We'll see you soon.
JUDGE ROY BEAN"
DRUG TESTING PROOF POSITIVE OF ADDLED LUNACY; LINDSAY LOHAN STYLE
PRE-VOMIT LINDSAY LOHAN. AND HER TITS.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- LINDSAY LOHAN has laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed off her party girl persona, insisting she works "harder than most of my friends' parents."
The 19-year-old singer/actress is a regular guest at New York, Los Angeles and Las Vegas nightspots, where she's working hard, but insists she works just as hard as she parties when she's working hard on partying.
Speaking on NBC's "Today," Lohan says, while rubbing her nose and licking her upper teeth "I work harder than most of my friends' parents, I think. I'm the hardest working person I know.
"I don't really know what to do when I'm not 'working.' I'm a 'workaholic' -- I get very creatively frustrated.
"Hopefully people will know me for my work, and my tits -- not my car accidents."
