Yo Vinnie,
Do you think a homeless former escort in rehab with alcohol problems should have a child she conceived with another drunken in-patient when she can't come up with the $50 a month rent for the rehab facility? -- Ducks & Ovens

ONE OF LIFE'S MOST BEAUTIFUL SIGHTS: $4000 SPLIT 2 WAYS WITH A PREGNANT GANGBANGING WHORE.

Dear "Dad": Should a homeless former escort in rehab with alcohol problems have a child conceived with another hopeless, worthless drunk while trying to manage the monthly struggle of raising $50 without having to resort to her former high-flying, escortin' ways? You know it's people like you that make me fucking sick. You with your petty moralizing. You with your shop-worn ideas about right and wrong. YOU with your triflingly dogheaded misunderstandings of the economic engines that drive this great country of ours.

Why don't you go fucking straight back to Russia, you prick?

Because while your soft-hearted sentiments might SEEM well intentioned we see something else: dollar bills with wings on them flying out of the window. But walk with me a bit while we wangle some numbers together and try to make sense of this. OK: first of all she didn't hate escorting because she hated escorting, right? Seems like most people who hate being ho's hate being ho's because of the amount of time they have to spend BEING ho's. Eight hours a day being a fucking PLUMBER could be a drag and once you parse the minutes of the day out into nickels and dimes it seems like the gulag.

But what if you could make what you make in eight hours in ONE HOUR? While you sleep!?!? Well, not sleep exactly but what I'm getting at is this: is there any reason in the world that she's not sponsoring gangbangs? Under normal circumstances it might take her 2 days to bone 20 men. But suppose, now just suppose, she banged all of those men in an hour? $4000 an hour pays for lots of diapers.

Because...and this is important...while a man can usually go to most hookers for anything, 99 % of the hookers out there will NOT do gangbangs. If you're a man who wants TO GANGBANG A PREGNANT HOOKER, well the closest you're likely to get is a pregnant hooker gangbang flick. Even if, paradoxically, pregnant hookers don't do gangbangs. So that's one thing you can't usually buy. Until NOW. A PREGNANT HOOKER GANGBANG...$200 a head. For one hour only.

Isn't the gift of life...given 20 times in an hour...worth that much? To you? To her?

I thought so.