Seymore Butts

Rating: FOUR "Arrrr Matey" BUSTED NUTS

Quality films of fantastical fantasy rely on something called "suspension of disbelief" to get viewers to disregard the obvious logical and factual problems with a story, and submerge themselves in the ensuing action. It's a delicate line to walk, with poor purveyors of this practice failing miserably, leaving viewers on the outside with absolutely no empathy for the characters or the on-screen action.

When it's done well, however, a film can become an afternoon getaway to the farthest reaches of outer space, a mission through uncharted jungle terrain in search of lost treasure, or a vacation to a Caribbean resort where the asses of hot bitches are forever elevated in preparation for...nay, in celebration of anal fucking.

BEND HER BACK, LASSY...WE GOT YAAARRRDDDSSS OF CRANK!!! AMBER PEACH, PRE-CARIBBEAN TAN. & LOADS. [BUT MOSTLY LOADS.]

BUTT PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN delivers in the suspension of disbelief category, largely because of the home-video-vacation-diary way in which it was shot. As a viewer I felt as though I was truly on vacation with Mr. Butts himself, chronicling the adventures of ass aficionados in beautiful St. Maarten.

From a lead-off romp between two of Mr. Butts' housemates, including the ready, willing and spraying FLOWER TUCCI, to a couple of days of fun including girls with champagne bottles and dildos in swimming pools, and public ass fucking in popular night spots and day clubs (with onlookers struggling to keep their jaws off the floor), Mr. Butts and his St. Maarten hoes, MARI POSSA, SAMANTHA RYAN and AMBER PEACH, deliver a much needed vacation from a gloomy wet winter of sporadic stateside ass.

All I'm missing is the tan to prove I was actually there. -– MAXIMUM

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