THIS Monday's edition of SkullGame is brought to you because of underwriting by REDBULL action drinks.
"I DRINK. I ACTION. MILK MY TEETS!!! WHERE YOU GO?!?!"
TOM SIZEMORE JOINS COURTNEY LOVE IN THE "GONNA HAVE TO KILL SOMEONE" CLUB [COMPANION CLUB TO THE "ROBERT BLAKE ONLY CUZ HE'S WHITE" CLUB], DRAWING PROBATION FOR HIS MULTI-METH'D MONTH OF JANUARY.
"I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY FOR, UM...WELL, I'M JUST SORRY, THAT'S ALL. AND IF YOU LET ME GO, AGAIN, I PROMISE TO, UM, NOT DO WHATEVER I WON'T DO. AGAIN."
Los Angeles (SkullGame) -- "Troubled" "actor" TOM SIZEMORE escaped a spell in prison Thursday, again, when a "judge" "sentenced" him, again, to three months probation, again, for taking methamphetamine, again, in January. Again.
At the Los Angeles hearing the actor, who had faced a possible 16 months imprisonment, OR a 16 hour "stern talking to", tearfully confessed to violating his probation, which stems from a previous conviction for methamphetamine possession, which stems from a previous purchase of methamphetamine, which led to a subsequent huffing of aforementioned methamphetamine and a tweakend that lasted well until he tested positive for drugs on January 23.
Sizemore must now submit to weekly drug tests during the three year probationary term, and also has to spend 90 days at a drug treatment center. Or not.
His probation was revoked for the first time last July when he admitted using a fake penis, the one he used to use to bang HEIDI FLIESS, to supply a drug test. He also failed to attend a compulsory drug test every three days. Again.
Sizemore's probation was then reinstated in October when Superior Court Judge Paula "Whatever" Mabrey asserted the actor was making "remarkable" progress. Perhaps in the "being white" and "getting high" categories. He is free on bail, again, pending an appeal. Again.
NEWFLASH: BERLUSCONI LIKENING HIMSELF TO JESUS. WHAT ON ACCOUNT OF HIM GOING 12 DAYS WITHOUT FUCKING AND ALL.
"I TOLD YOU THIS WAS A GODDAMNED SACRIFICE!" BERLUSCONI, PICTURED HERE, AND HIS "WIFE".
ROME, Italy (SkullGame) -- First it was Napoleon. Then it was not fucking until the election is over. Now it is Jesus Christ.
Italian Prime Minister SILVIO BERLUSCONI has compared himself to the Lord & Savior, prompting the open scorn of his political opponents and even the quietly raised eyebrows of his coalition partners.
"I am the Jesus Christ of politics," Italian media quoted him as saying at a dinner with supporters on Saturday night. "I am a patient victim, I put up with everyone, I sacrifice myself for everyone. That's why I'm not fucking!"
Marco Rizzo, a communist parliamentarian, called it a "grotesque comparison." On Friday, Berlusconi compared himself to Napoleon, saying only the French emperor had done more for his country. Berlusconi will be competing against center-left opposition leader Romano Prodi in the April 9-10 general elections, after which he will quickly repair to a secret location like his limo and dick down the first thing with a hole that wanders his way.
CHARLIE SHEEN STARTS NEW "HOW'S YOUR MOTHER, THAT BITCH?" CLOTHING LINE
"'YOUR HEAD SKILLS? YES. YES. SUB-PAR. AT BEST.' IT'S MY NEW LINE. DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IT?!?
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Celebrity divorced dad CHARLIE SHEEN is launching a line of children's clothing to suit the modern divorced kid on the go. The "How's Your Mother, That Bitch?" The clothes will hit trendy Los Angeles boutique Kitson Kids next month. The store will carry a selection from the 75-piece girl's-only line and the prices will range from $20 to $80.
Sheen will have final approval over all fabrics and designs in the collection.
The actor was inspired by "that emasculating harridan I used to call 'wife'."
KANYE WEST: SKULLGAME ACHIEVER
A STILL FROM WEST'S VIDEO FOR THE HIT SONG GOLDIGGER. A TUNE ABOUT DEAN MARTIN'S BACK UP SINGERS.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Rapper KANYE WEST insists the girls he falls for these days are porn model types, and he likes to test them on first dates by putting his favorite X-rated films on TV when they walk through the door. He adds, "That's one of the old pimp moves: if the girl comes over, have porn playing.
"If she's like, 'Ugh,' slap her with a well-wielded car antenna. And if she says, 'Hmm, what's this?' then keep it playing."
West never insists his girlfriends have to enjoy watching porn, but they have to accept he's addicted to saucy Web sites and films. He explains, "I have normal conversations all the time while I'm looking at these sites. Specifically, SkullGame ... It's an addiction. Whenever we go to the porn store, we call it the crack house. I have porn on me at all times."
