Pure Play

Rating: THREE "It Might Be, It Could Be...It Is!!!" BUSTED NUTS

Harry Caray once said “When I die I hope they don’t cremate me, cause I’ll burn forever.”

Some chick in this movie once said “I’d never put a baseball bat in my ass.”

Sometimes the fruition of life and our prophecies don’t exactly line up…and you know what? That’s okay. There are a multitude of paths and until we see the very goddamned end of it all then it’s faulty to even attempt to pass judgment.

KAMI ANDREWS. AN UNREGENERATE DEGENERATE SLUT, LADIES & GENTLEMAN. THANKS FOR COMING...

I’m a fan of the girl-on-girl flicks; as I’m never particularly offended by anything I encounter when watching them. Nowadays “straight” porn? Not so much. I can pick up a flick that touts itself as hetero-positive only to see the HIV-positive unfold; guys that I used to pick fights with rubbing schlongs and thinking just because they are both looking at a female that it is, somehow, not gay to rest one man’s balls upon the ball’s of another.

Well that ain’t me babe, no no no that ain’t me.

It is true that some of these bitches are pretty goddamned haggard--but much like when you forget your umbrella in a thunderstorm; once you accept the fact that your reality is less than ideal on that given day then everything ceases to really be all that bad?

You dig? Possibly not; but then I’m left saying “hey, it’s a movie made by Cousin Stevie…”

And since I’ve never, or would ever, eat Thanksgiving dinner at your house then I suppose “the memories” are yours, and yours alone, to bear.

I’d give this a 5 if it weren’t for the fact that KAMI ANDREWS is “JULIETTE LEWIS not getting accepted into the Screen Actor’s Guild” personified: A public service announcement to stay in school. The only thing to ever make Mr. T really cry. The wrong page turned in a “Choose Your Own Adventure” book.

And that, my friends, is pretty fucking hard, emotionally, to deal with--even with the umbrella. -- JUDGE ROY BEAN

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