AND in a developing news item yet another teacher has valiantly thrown her ass in the way of a young student's cock in order to aid and abet in fighting the scourge of teen ass pregnancies. SARAH BENCH-SALORIO, 29, a former Santiago Charter Middle School teacher and wife of a one-time school board candidate, we salute you and wish you a speedy return from the unjust charges that she viewed pornography and bought condoms to prepare for the ass-based encounters.
"I UNDERSTAND WHAT I'VE DONE, AND IT WILL STAY IN MY CONSCIENCE THAT I'VE BEEN AN INSTRUMENT OF SO MUCH ASS PAIN TO MY HUSBAND BUT I'M A GOOD PERSON AND DID WHAT I DID TO PREVENT MY YOUNG CHARGE FROM FUCKING UNDERAGE WOMEN. A CRIME IN CALIFORNIA, IF I AM NOT MISTAKEN. BUT ME? I AM GUILTY OF NOTHING BUT LOVING UNWISELY. AND IN THE ASS."
SARAH BENCH-SALORIO, we salute you, you fuck butt, you.
PARIS HILTON TAKES A GOLDEN SHOWER. NOT NEARLY AS COOL AS IT SOUNDS.
"HAVE YOU EVER READ THE YELLOW RIVER? BY I.P. FREHELY? IT'S GREEEAAATTT."
MAUI (SkullGame) -- PARIS HILTON's publicists are trying to silence a Hawaiian taxi driver who claims the socialite PISSED in his cab. Harden Jamison says the hotel heiress was too drunk to notice she'd wet herself when he picked her and boyfriend Stavros Niarchos up after a party on Maui. The disgusted cab driver claims he mopped up the mess with a towel and plans to use Hilton's own DNA as evidence against her.
Jamison has gone public with his piss story after getting threatened by Hilton's heavies, who hitched a ride in his cab, after making it known that he has a towel with the socialite's urine on it. He says, "They were all drunk and abusive. I kicked them out and flagged down a cop."
The cab driver claims one of Hilton's pals offered him $200 for the piss towel. A spokesman for Hilton denies the urine-fied incident, curiously blaming "the Jew conspiracy," even though Jamison himself is not Jewish and Hilton herself is.
BRANDON GETS FUCKING IRONED!!! AND STEELY ROB IS THERE.
"THAT'S FUCKING RIGHT. READ 'EM & GODDAMN WEEP JACK...."
ENCINO (SkullGame) -- BRANDON IRON told me to show up here... said he was going to shoot KARINA KAY in one of his trademark BAKER'S DOZEN movies.
Red flag #1: “For Sale” signs in front of the sprawling, Southern Californian-style palatial home where he was to film.
Red flag #2: After walking down the long, obscured driveway, to the round, stoned parking area and to the front door to ring the bell, no one answers. But I do see a real estate agent’s lock box, which means that any of the California Board of Real Estate Agents hundreds of thousands of members could waltz on in at their leisure at any point of this alleged shoot.
Up comes a Lexus SUV emblazoned all around with the Platinum X logo, to dash any worries that I’m at the right place. Out comes Brandon Iron, short, muscular, smiling. I recognize Karina Kay, who’s bouncing just a little bit in one of those powdery, fluffy jump suits, the kind that might have something like the word “baby” embroidered on the ass.
Countering her is MELISSA LAUREN, black hair, halter top, not made up, slouching, nonplussed at my addressing her in fluent French, or at much of anything else, for that matter. She’s here to set up the cameras and then bolt.
We make our way inside through the backdoor. Iron gets his stuff out and places four of his Baker’s Dozen DVDs on the coffee table. Kay, who says she’s got a fever, strips down to flimsy panties and starts prepping for the box art stills.
Enter red flag #3: The guy who contracted this whole shoot. The guy who supposedly owns the house. He’s some kind of Middle Eastern. Could be Persian. Maybe Armenian. Early 30s. Eurotrash meets carpet salesman would fit pretty well. Tries to sell me a radio. But you can tell from the look in his eyes and his dealings with the people in the room that this whole scheme is either for bragging rights or some hazy ploy to get laid by a porn star.
Whatever.
The guy’s a dick. He chats on his cell, walks in the background during still photography, and just generally gets in the way.
MANUEL FERRARA shows up, as do the first load blowers. The former to fuck Kay, the latter to cum on her face after the former is finished. As the load droppers trickle in, they hang out in the partially furnished, two-level, multi-bedroom house, and talk about their dicks. It was some sort of heretofore inconceivable men’s club of mookhood. Some then got up and filled out their release forms; others lined up to show Kay their current AIM HIV negative test. Ferrara hangs out with Melissa Lauren and offers to help her and KATSUMI with grocery shopping should they need it.
Important lesson of being on hand at a porn shoot: even if you think you’re way off camera, ALWAYS stand behind the director.
The initial sex scene begins. It goes on in the foyer. A little, middle-aged man from New York named Joe shows up. I’m still not sure why. He’s got the clearly most beautiful woman of the day with him, some Polish girl, who looks like she’s about twice his height. It seems they’re both some sort of Brandon Iron well-wishers – she claims, with a smile, that she’s “been friends” with Iron in the past – but never on camera.
The scene carries on up the winding stairs and on to the second level. One of the load droppers and I gingerly make our way up the stairs to get an underlying view of the action. They move on to one of the bedrooms. I start talking with a new male performer, JOE ROCK, who doesn’t like to be called French Canadian. He plays watchdog at the front of the house in case any errant real estate people show up. He’s a nice enough guy with extremely greasy hair. Says he got into porn because he had nothing to lose.
A ruckus ensues. Apparently, Karina Kay pees or drops some other vaginal liquid on the carpet. The dirtbag owner won’t let anything continue until someone cleans the carpet. A gopher is found and sent off. Manuel Ferrara is standing around in the living room, chatting while keeping his hard on going.
They get the carpet cleaned. Ferrara dumps a big load. He’s out of there.
Now all that has to be done is orchestrate 18 or so guys and one girl outside, on the lawn, and have all the guys jerk off and come on the girl’s face. Now, 18 guys. Isn’t a baker’s dozen 13? Karina Kay can count, and she’s complaining. Iron tells her it’s not so bad and he’ll make it worth her while.
Red flag #4: all the while some 20-odd naked people and some six or so clothed people are running around outside in the backyard, a crew of illegal Mexican workers has got their leaf blowers and hedge clippers going around the property. The funniest thing is that they don’t seem all that fazed by the scene before them.
Someone’s stolen the DVDs off the coffee table.
You can barely see Kay in the crowd of manhood, unless you get up close. She sucks all them off, mentioning between mouthfuls that she doesn’t do gangbangs. How convenient that she should mention that she doesn't do gang bangs in the MIDDLE of a gangbang. Some of the guys fuck her a bit. She lets some do it, others not. Arbitrarily. I feel for the wannabe alt rocker Asian dude in the back, with his little, flaccid dick, trying to earn those hundred bucks.
The Polish woman is off to the side, "grossed out", at the edge of the pool. The anti-climax ironically happens when all the loads are dropped. The owner won’t let people back in the house. This news is worst for Karina Kay, who at this point is willing to give her entire porn kingdom for a towel. I’m out of there.
QUICK!!! QUICK!!! GET A FUCKING TOWEEEELLLLLLL.....
A month later, I talked to Brandon Iron about why while pimping ain't easy, neither is producing porn.
SkullGame: So, what were you doing today?
Brandon Iron: Ahh... I got a hand job from SUNNY LANE for one of Red Light District’s new big features. They’re pumping tens of thousands into this.
SG: Is it one of those James Avalon things?
BI: Oh, yeah.
SG: Where did that guy come from?
BI: Metro. He won some awards with them. He’s a great director. He actually went to film school, as opposed to 99 percent of the rest of the people in this business. He’s very creative. It’s a softer, Playboy-style sex –- if you’re into it. Not my kind of movies, but I’m trying to be a team player on this. I want to take us to the next level... but it’s hard when Erik Everhard leaves for Evil Angel, Manuel Ferrara decides to be a free agent, Steve Holmes decides to stop being an owner at Platinum X and just be a director and producer for Red Light and Platinum... it’s a money thing. My bills are $25,000, sometimes $30,000 a month. That’s what I’ve got to pay just to stay in the game. It’s a money pit. I never borrowed a dime; other people borrowed $100,000.
One guy owns Red Light and Platinum, but you can own your own movies if you front more money. In the long run, you make more money, but the risks, man. Like I said, every month I gotta come up with.... well, huge dollars for me. It’s an investment. And there’s no shortage of porn. No one told me that...
I’ve sold $2 million worth of DVDs since the start. That’s not a lot of money. I mean, it is; and it’s not.
SG: Is it much better making money as a director than just as a pure actor?
BI: Fuck, yeah! I have a 50/50 cock. I fail a lot. If I’m on set and I’m embarrassing myself... I don’t have a rate. I work by donation: you pay me what you want; if you’re not happy, it starts at zero. But on the flip side, I’ve been nominated for male performer of the year... the odds are good that I can get through things... but I’ve failed a ton. I’ve made a good living with my cock, but there are guys that are 10 times better than me, man, so it’s better to have equipment and shoot hot girls – it’s all about the girls, anyway.
SG: It’s so funny to hear you say you have a 50/50 cock, because you would never think that from the scenes we’ve seen you in. Of course, we don’t see the scenes where you don’t do well, but the ones we do see, it seems like you’re more ravenous and intense than most everybody else.
BI: Let me tell you, man. Joey Silvera got this one that nearly turned into a manslaughter. Me versus JASMINE TAME in SERVICE ANIMALS. We’d worked together before. I was into her; she was into me. It was THE MOST INTENSE thing I’ve done in like, two years. I just killed her – and she was down for it. It’s so much better when you know people. And for 2006, I’m only hiring girls that have rockied it out for me in other stuff – I’m not going to do blind dates anymore. Fuck that.
SG: I just saw you with Maxine in ME LUV U LONG TIME #8
BI: Oh, my god.
SG: That video is so boring, but when I got to that scene, I was like, “holy shit!”
BI: See, this is what is so weird. Since I have a 50/50 cock, my predilection has always been 18-year old cheerleaders who are petite. So here I had an offer to work with a 30-year old Asian woman who’s bald. I won’t say who, but somebody else passed on it, so they needed someone. So they said, “Brandon, please try your best.” So I said, “alright...” And I was on that day, and I killed her, man.
SG: So there’s no amount of drugs that you can take to get over...
BI: I need anti-anxiety stuff. I don’t care about Viagra, Cialis or Levitra... all that shit’s the same. Unless you’re turned on... on that last feature I did for James Avalon, I had to jack off – Sunny Lane is gorgeous, man, and I was sitting there, and they need the pop shot – that’s where the anxiety starts – and I had a hard on the whole time. But they needed the pop shot right then, and they told me how they wanted it. And I was uncomfortable; and I’m a dribbler, not a shooter... all these things come into play. But everyone’s patient; I go into my little cardiac arrest; they got the pop; Sunny kisses me and says, “you did fine! really, thank you.” Next set. I admire the guys who make it look easy.
SG: I was asking Larry [Platinum X owner] about what it took to break into the industry...
BI: There’s no money in it as a male talent. I lived below the poverty line in 97-98.
SG: Yeah, he was telling me about guys that lived out of their cars, or that stayed at Larry’s...
BI: I slept in a GMC Safari van for 101 days. You don’t want to go through that. If you need pussy that bad...I had a hooker addiction back in Canada. I was spending a couple grand a month on prostitutes. But seriously, guys who do well in this business: you’d rather do this than anything else. I toughed it out for a couple of years, trying to work as much as I can, and it wasn’t working out. So I realized I’d better start producing. And sure enough: you get to choose who you want to fuck, chances are things will go better. I shot a Baker’s Dozen scene the day after Thanksgiving. It was the most expensive one ever. Manuel Ferrara working with two girls, and 19 guys turned out (for the cum shots) – same as Karina Kay. And it was a cum bath that cannot be replicated. It cost me $10,000 to shoot. I need to do one more scene for the movie, and it’s going to cost me $30,000, and I’m going to lose money out the door. But two years from now, I’ll be laughing, because I know I’ll have created the best thing ever. Because you can’t replicate these things. Sure, you can get different girls and all, but you never know what’s going to happen on set. The day after Thanksgiving – everyone was so protein-ed up, it was sick. It was unreal the amount of loads that came out of these guys, man.
SG: So that day I saw your shoot with Karina Kay, was that just another day at the office?
BI: No, those are blowout shoots. It doesn’t take me long, and I pay out of pocket, but seriously, that girl (Karina Kay) got paid way more than we agreed on, because she was like, “hey, this is a tough set, and I don’t have an assistant like you said.” And I was like, “you’re right. What do I owe you?” She went high, and I didn’t question it. I just started writing the number that she told me. That way she can never talk shit about me or say I’m cheap. It all worked out, but I’ll have to work for a long time to get this money back.
SG: It was so funny, because there she was, in the middle of 19 men, saying, “I don’t do gangbangs,” and meanwhile, a bunch of guys are fucking her. It was like, what did she think was going to happen?
BI: Well, you know, I’m grateful I got her. Who knows if she’d ever do that again.
SG: How about the guy that owned the house, the guy with the carpet?
BI: He’s a dick. I’ll never go back there. He called me again and asked if I wanted to shoot again. I said, “to be honest, man, I’m just going to lay low for a bit.”
SG: Was what went down unusual, or does shit like that happen all the time?
BI: That was totally uncalled for. Say he wanted me to steam clean his carpets? I would have done that. Say it would have cost me $200. Alright, I’m responsible. But don’t make me feel like an asshole and say in front of everyone, “you’re going to clean this NOW.” Fuck you! But at the end of the day, you gotta put up with all this shit. At least the cops didn’t come. Like, I was on this feature today, and the LA fire department showed up because we didn’t have a candle permit.
SG: How did the LA fire department find out?
BI: Because you pull shooting permits, so they know who’s doing what. So they did a checkup.
SG: Tell us more about what it takes to break into the business.
BI: You have to get an AIM HIV test that has to be current within 30 days, you need two forms of ID, you have to be over 18. I need guys who can do facials.
SG: What do you pay?
BI: I pay what they want. It’s usually $100. You can’t make a living dropping loads. It costs $110 to get your test done, but in a month, you can make way more than that. There are dozens of guys who don’t have any other job.
SG: And you’d have to live down there.
BI: Yeah, it’s not a good idea to commute. I used to fly down from Canada, and stay for 3-4 days, sometimes a week. I’d stay in the YMCA. Unless you know someone and have something lined up, you’re just spinning wheels.
