In a fevered call from the car VINNIE back from Vegas dictated what will be the first of the libel, slander and mean-spirited innuendo that will constitute this week's ADULT VIDEO NEWS reportage. Dictation was taken by SUSIE KEEFE.
We just got her up to speed on the difference between a pen and a dildo so please don't hate.
WAIT...GOD IS TALKING TO ME. OH...THAT'S YOU ON THE SPEAKERPHONE?!?! OHMIGOD. I FEEL SO STUPID...
THE BEST FUCKING NON-COCONUT OIL BASED BULLSHIT THAT YOUR MONEY CAN BUY A.K.A. WHAT WE SAW BETWEEN TIMES OF US GETTING HIGH & GETTING OUR JOINTS JAMMED BY SLUTS DE LA CREME
VEGAS (SkullGame) -- Forthwith let the pain begin.
1) CHASEY LAIN
YEAH. LIKE THIS. BUT WITHOUT THE STRAW.
Our perennial HIGH TIMES gal, showed up to sign with ADAM & EVE, but kept disappearing into our bathroom stall and between coconut squeezing breaks huffed our stuff like we were cartel and it was free. Had it not been for the freely flowing fellatio we would have surely complained.
2) IF YOU CAN'T DRAW A CROWD, DRAW A COCK AWARD goes right to VIVID for tearing down the JILL KELLY PRODUCTION posters.
3) THE "I HAD NO IDEA-YEAH FUCKING BULLSHIT" AWARD...
BEHIND ONE OF THESE ZIPPERS YOU WILL FIND A COCK, CHINGY. SO WHAT'S IT GONNA BE?
...goes to the rapper CHINGY who was freaking with a tranny onstage and didn't know. Yeah. Strange that he didn't know but LLOYD BANKS seemed to when he said at the awards "I'd start hugging y'all but I don't hug tranny's."
4) The PURE PLAY party, which we were apparently disinvited to because of, well, you know, because we're fucking US, ended up being an absolute crush of 4000 people trying to get into a place that held only 1500. And so it was great amusement that we saw that the VIRGIN MEGASTORES people who backed it, couldn't get in. And then even better we saw that when we got in it was nothing but cocks in there anyway.
5) JESSE JANE was making out with chicks.
DEVON, OUR INTREPID DRIVER SUK MUK DIK, & THE E.T.-ESQUE JESSE JANE
Wake me up after this thought in and of itself has put me to sleep.
6) The VENETIAN is the world's most fucking suckingly lousy place to do anything and in protest we will not go there again. Until next year.
7) SEAN MICHAELS, ALEXIS AMORE & UNKNOWN TRANNY
WE TOLD HER WE WERE GOING TO RAPE HER. AT FIRST SHE THOUGHT WE WERE JOKING & THEN SHE TOOK US SERIOUSLY. AND AT FIRST WE WEREN'T JOKING & THEN WE WERE...WILL THE TWAIN NEVER MEET?
...giving out the Best Actress award mistakenly to SAVANNAH SAMPSON who came out in a towel and then dropped the towel and fled the stage after the rightful owner, JENNA "STEPFORD SUCKER" JAMESON was announced.
Yeah. Exactly. So the fuck what?
8) JULES JORDAN renewed his push for CORNHOLIO cock in one of his vids.
9) CORNHOLIO said yes. But was largely unsure of what this means, so we'll translate: EVIL ANGEL's got a gay line they think you'd be GREAT for.
and finally
10) Though our noses and cocks will never be the same we're shocked and saddened that for the second year running DICK DELAWARE has fled his Fight Street meet with VINNIE ROSE.
SKULLGAME ALSO DECLARES TODAY EVIL ANGEL DAY!!!!
For reasons that for legal reasons we won't talk about here but be assured that there are very, very, very good reasons for it.
