BUT first this: we welcome a new sponsor: Michelob. Thanks. And we'll make you all proud I 'm sure.
WEEKENDS ARE MADE FOR MICHELOB!!! AND PISS! TWO, TWO, TWO GREATS TASTES IN ONE!!!!
AND because we're on the verge of the fucking season of giving thanks we're once again reminded of how much we need to give...in order to receive, the accumulated well wishes of any and all who have petitioned us for charity. To wit: a one MS. SHERRY BAKER. Sherry came to us this week of Thanksgiving, high on drugs, alcohol, in desperate need of rehab and yearning to free herself from the heavy shackles of involvement with murderers and drug abusers.
So opening the doors at SkullGame, we gave her a warm blanket, a quiet room, and the kind of charity that is legend in the sages confidences of self-less giving: a dildo across her forehead, a cock in her mouth and a farty blast from the anal sacs of our own ITALIAN SAL.
ITALIAN SAL. The name is synonymous with the courage of cool-headed charity and none more in evidence than here. "I just felt, before I took the picture, that to really capture the full range of emotions aswirl in the room that we catch Sherry in her native habitat: with a dildo across her forehead, a cock in her mouth and a farty blast from my anal sacs."
CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME? YOU GODDAMNED RIGHT IT DOES!!!
BUTCHER BOB'S UFC REPORTAGE: YOU CALL THEM "UGLY" WE CALL THEM "LOW HANGING FRUIT."
The following is a transcript of the actual events that lead to the opening of an active flyover zone chapter of Teaming Up For Goddamned America (TUFGA) in Las Vegas at the most recent UFC 56. This is presented as a public service, for the good of all. Well, not ALL. Most maybe...or perhaps, just for the good of some. A select few. As a member of Team SkullGame, I believe it is our call to duty...a higher station for which we must strive. It's our BIRTHRIGHT, goddamn it.
What is recorded here is not meant to be a " how-to" per say, but to act as an inspiration to all of you...each and every one of you with enough sack to pull this off. Many may try, many will fail. Many will be wiping drinks off their faces, many will smile as the stinging slap of refusal caresses their cheek. We must RISE ABOVE such trivialities. We must have NO shame, no apologetic leanings. Look proudly into the faces of your prospects, show them the SUPREME confidence that comes from reading SkullGame on a thrice-weekly basis.
Some may find that merely posting on a website is enough to bring home the bacon, so to speak. Not I, my friends...not I. I rush headlong into that dark night...a trail of dropped jaws and panties in my wake. Read, study, and be better for it.
This takes place in a mean little hillbilly bar, halloween show with our local favorite huckleberry band.
CAST
Butcher Bob: Your ever-humble author
BUTCHERUS BOBICUS: IN FINE FETTLE.
El Raton: A scoundrel of national repute
Nurse Bitch: The third in a series of decreasingly attractive targets.
Butcher Bob: Hi there, you look like a patriotic woman
Nurse Bitch: Well, uh, sure, I suppose
El Raton: Here's the deal...my friend and I are trying to raise both money AND awareness for our charity
Butcher Bob: Double [sic] Teaming Up For Goddamned America
NB: (nervous laughter) double team?
El Raton: You see, for each and EVERY double team we do, we donate
Butcher Bob: out of our OWN pockets
El Raton: ONE hundred american dollars...and tell her where it goes, Bob
Butcher Bob: right to the hurricane victims.
NB: (stunned silence)
El Raton: But wait, there's more
Butcher Bob: if you're not happy at ANY time
El Raton: we IMMEDIATELY stop payment
Butcher Bob: Satisfaction guaranteed
NB: so...like you two...um...double up on a girl?
Butcher Bob: THAT"S right! all those fantasies can be yours
NB: you guys LIKE doing this?
El Raton: It's not about US...we're doing this for the PEOPLE
Butcher Bob: the victims
El Raton: the poor, homeless victims
At this point we pause, move in and sit on each side of her.Close.No. Closer than THAT.
Butcher Bob: You see, we're here because we are people persons
El Raton: We care...ALOT
Butcher Bob: And we want to help...we want to help YOU
El Raton: You see, you've got nothing to lose.
Butcher Bob: Remember, the customer comes first
El Raton: If she's REALLY quick
Now her head's flipping back and forth like she's watching tennis...the rapid fire remarks slowly eroding her initial hesitation.
NB: You two are serious, aren't you?
Butcher Bob: Of course we are, why would we lie to you?
El Raton: Well, we'd lie to you because it's FUN!
Butcher Bob: And we're REALLY good at it
NB: ( uncrossing her legs...finger tapping her drink glass contemplatively) and...uh...are you any good at this doubleteam thing?
BB & ER ( laughing, over-loudly)
El Raton: ABSOLUTELY!
Butcher Bob: We have references, you know
El Raton: But this is about trust
Butcher Bob: Mostly about you trusting us...trusting us to give you exactly what you need
El Raton: or what we think you need.
Butcher Bob: and that's what really counts...what WE think.
El Raton: and I think that you need to give.
Butcher Bob: give, give it to us.
At this point, we've laid the groundwork. We rest easy, throwing back shots of Crown Royale, secure in the knowledge that we've done our best to confuse and encourage her.
NB: [sliding a hand onto each of our thighs], I feel....patriotic tonite.
As you can see..all things are possible to those who perservere...and lie.
FRIDAY NIGHT: HIGH ON "E". SUNDAY AFTERNOON: HIGH ON LIFE: THE SEBASTIAN JANIKOWSKI STORY IN A ONE ACT PLAY
"HI." "HIGH?" "NO, HI!" "YES, YES, HIGH!!" "YEAH YEAH HI. HOW THE HELL ARE YOUUUU?!?!" "OH. WELL HIGH. THANKS FOR ASKING."
MARYLAND (SkullGame) -- [What Sebastian Janikowski heard]: ... though Janikowski's 25-yard field goal tied the game at 13-13 with 7:56 left. Starting a late fourth-quarter drive at their own 49-yard line with 5:41 remaining, the Raiders ran a play-action fake to Jordan that led to an 18-yard pass to the running back and all at once, they were sitting at 1st-and-goal at the 1.
Jordan took a handoff and fumbled near the goal ... bzzzzzz....A 19-yard Janikowski field goal on fourth down settled the outcome with 1:08 remaining, and the Raiders collectively exhaled. Turner walked away from FedEx Field with his pride intact. And the Raiders left knowing they are better than their record indicates.
And Janikowski left, per usual, fucking soooooooooooooooooo high.
And rich.
And Polish.
FAT & SKINNY HAD A RACE. FAT PUNCHED SKINNY IN THE FACE. FAT SAID TO SKINNY: CAN I GET MORE OF THOSE VIDEOS OF YOUSE WITH THAT COCK IN YOUR MOUTH?
WOODY ALLEN ATTEMPTS TO SEDUCE THE YOUNGER PARIS HILTON WITH A STARRING ROLE IN HIS NEW FLICK, CAPTAIN EL' KABONG & THE OLD JEW. IT'S GRRREEEATTT...
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Pop star Kelly KELLY OSBOURNE is furious with PARIS HILTON's boyfriend Stavros Niarchos Sausage -- who she says ruined her 21st birthday party at the Hard Rock Hotel by trashing a neighboring suite.
The 20-year-old shipping heir caused a staggering $102,000 of damage by smashing the "cheap" furniture and setting off "the evil" sprinklers at the plush Las Vegas, hotel on Monday.
The carnage resulted in the entire hotel being evacuated -- and Osbourne got the blame.
She fumes, "Paris' stupid boyfriend ruined my 21st birthday. It's so unfair. The manager tried to make me pay for it, but I was having none of it. I said no bloody way because I didn't do it. Stavros caused the damage, so he can pay. He's a rich kid, and they don't appreciate anything because they grow up with it all. I find it really annoying."
Oh. We're sure you do.
