YO VINNIE,
I want to have some group sex. I been reading about it. Seeing pictures. I want in. It's hard enough getting ONE piece of ass: is there a place to go? -- no name (by email)

WHAT HAS TWO HANDS & A PINEAPPLE IN IT?

Dear People Who Loves Them Some People: Is there a place to go (for extra points: what percentage of the time do I start an answer with a question?) ?!?! You mean like a place that YOU could go to wherein you might find partners who, without discrimination, would allow you to plow their asses before slapping you on the back and inviting you back into the bar for a beer? Yes, yes, we've heard tell from no lesser authority than MIKE LA VELLA that such a place exists. It's called The Gay Bar. Every town has one, one of these Gay Bars. Where apparently the very happy are more than happy to show you how happy they are to let you leg up like a fucking kickstand when you have the urge to fuck a bunch of hair asses who barely know each other.

Now, on the outside chance that you share our penchant for Heterosexual Renown, you will have correctly surmised that getting the average girl to throw down for getting dicked in front of an auditorium of other asses getting dicked is very, very low and confined mainly to women, well, actually only PARIS HILTON. And you know WHY the only woman in the history of America and fucking who ever attended an orgy IS Paris Hilton? Because she's the only one who ain't feel fucking too fat to be seen macking in the midst of mumble of men.

So there you have it Ladies and Gentleman: Paris Hilton: the saviour of all of our degenerate impulses. Appearing at several gang bangs near you. Or at least those of youse in the vicinity of Cleveland round about, uh, Tuesday.