Private

Rating: THREE "Ho Hum Ho" BUSTED NUTS

Something’s definitely askew in someone’s mind when the guy getting the most play in a porn movie is the oldest fucking actor anyone can find. The fat fuck in question here is that Italian pig REMIGLIO something or other, the guy whose pontoon dick looks like it’s been floating around a New Orleans neighborhood for the past couple weeks.

GINA BLONDE & A VERITABLE BLITZKRIEG OF GERMAN COCK.

It’s nearly fascinating – a couple shades away from erotic. Maybe it’s years worth of reprogramming of the brain to find frightening fops fucking fine females fetching. Maybe Private should have made ALL the scenes involving this guy, who by the way takes off as little clothing as possible in order to do the deed. Who’s got issues? Not us.

The whole Private Chateau story is not even done yet, and it’s about petered out. At least the sex is still pretty hot, albeit in the sporadic, snapshotted way the first installment of this series is. Whoever killed this minor, inconsequential character? Who fucking cares?

There are two sleeper hits in this video. One is the 60-something French guy who you can tell is really trying to get into his part and acting his heart out. He probably wishes he was getting laid, too. Rather, his glory is instead spent on drama queen glares of the oui-oui variety at the woman playing his wife, who is probably younger than the one playing their daughter. Why don’t old broads get any fucking respect?

The other big hit is the old timey, flashback scene having to do with another bullshit aspect of the story that barely holds together, in which a servant woman gets all turned on by a guy in the next room, and fiddles with herself while her Renaissance dress provides a fine framework to her yummy skin. Hey, can’t we also get caught up in all the high production art? –- STEELY ROB

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