THIS Nipsey Russell MEMORIAL issue of SkullGame is brought to you by our proud sponsors at JAP FAG Scratch 'N Sniff Enterprises where every prize is a faggotty-assed Jap Fag surprise.
SEICHI? WHY YES, IF YOU DON'T MIND.
NIPSEY, WE HARDLY KNEW YE...
"WHITE BITCHES."
NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- As the "poet laureate of television," actor and comedian NIPSEY RUSSELL delivered his signature four-line verse during frequent guest appearances on TV game shows and talk shows. His impromptu lines and witty quips quickly secured his place as one of the first blacks to be a regular panelist on the shows. And concealed a barely hinted at, corrosively unreasoning and immeasureably insane hatred of white people.
Although widely known for his television career — including appearances on The Dean Martin Show, Hollywood Squares, The $50,000 Pyramid, and The Match Game — Russell also received critical acclaim for his role as the Tin Man in the 1978 film version of The Wiz." What's lesser known is his broadsides against "kikey kike kikes like my manager, dirty white motherfuckers what ain't got the sense that the good lord gave them and, um, white bitches." Breaking into his signature doggerel Russell closed this infamous interview with this unpublished bon mot:
Roses are red
violets are blue
you're a filthy white jew motherfucker
And so is that bitch you brought with you.
Russell also appeared in the films "Nemo" in 1984, "Wildcats" in 1986 and "Posse" in 1993, but his gift for gab and timely poetry made him a national television personality. Russell told the Los Angeles Times in 1993 that writing poems "is very simple to do.... I start with the joke line, a barely hinted at, corrosively unreasoning and immeasureably insane hatred of white people, and write backward."
He will be missed.
ANOTHER ITALIAN SALVO: CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT?!?!
"WE ALWAYS KNEW YOU WOULD FAIL. JUST NOT SO SPECTACULARLY," SAYS HINRICHS, SR.
OKLAHOMA (SkullGame) -- Blowing oneself into a million bite size pieces…American style. Random, white, non-religious type ineffectually succeeds in blowing himself and himself alone into millions of teeny tiny bite size flesh nuggets?
Yes.
JOEL HENRY HINRICHS III, a University of Oklahoma student driven to suicide by a combination of “Morrissey” and the pain of having to choose whether or not to drop his much too early 11 am Cinematography class, or his much less exciting, Human Sexuality seminar that which started at 7 pm but however interfered with his love for Friends reruns. Hinrichs had explained to friends, his real ones and not the ones on TV, approximately a week ago that “This year is really starting to suck, making my 11 am class is damn near impossible and now I got classes straight till 9. I don’t even want to mention what I am going through with Cold Play.”
Yeah I could see why he would want to end it all. Not unlike lots of American college slackers Hinrichs has proved once again how far behind we are in standardized testing, as well as the act of immolating. “College students are blowing themselves up here every day,” says Martin Phillips. Phillips who is Job Counselor for the now two year old CENTER FOR SUICIDE BOMBER UNEMPLOYMENT BENEFITS in Baghdad goes on to say, “the act of blowing oneself up is sometimes not enough, you have to do these things in crowded places” commenting on the fact that Hinrichs blew himself to pieces just 100 yards away from the University of Oklahoma Stadium where 80,000 fans watched the Sooners take on Kansas and not including himself managed to kill zero people.
“We have people like him [Hinrichs] here in Iraq, we call them failures.”
We call them failures here, too, Mr. Phillips. We call them failures here too.
SHARON STONE: NOT-SO-SEXY SENIOR CITIZEN. AND IT'S JUST NOT FUNNY ANYMORE.
"C'MON. RAISE YOUR HANDS!!! WHO WANTS TO SEE MY SNATCH AGAIN?!?! ANYBODY!?!? ANYBODY AT ALL?!!?"
NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- SHARON STONE has become the latest "40-plus" "star" to sign up for a "new" "beauty" ad campaign -- and she'll write her own script, largely following a character whose fleeting stardom leads her deeper and deeper into "furtively delivered fellatio to the help" territory.
The "47"-year-old star will be the "new" "face" of Dior's Capture Totale Beeyatch anti-aging line when ads air next spring.
TALES FROM THE BUTCHER BLOC: SAUSAGE EATING SLUT WINS IT ALL
MMMGGHHHHPPHHH.....: A FAMILIAR FACE. IN A FAMILIAR PLACE.
SHEBOYGAN (SkullGame) -- Sonya Thomas gobbled "her" way to another speed-eating title by attacking one of Wisconsin's great penis-shaped staples: the bratwurst.
Thomas, known as The Great Inhaler on the competitive-eating circuit, downed 35 bratwursts in 10 minutes Saturday at the first Johnsonville Brat-Eating World Championship. The 99-pound Thomas edged out her nearest competitor by half a brat to win.
As Sonya wipes 'her' chin and says "It's easy when you don't have to chew them. I guess all those years sucking cock at the bookstore have finally paid off. And now, with this prize money I'll be able to fly to Sweden for the final surgery I need."
"I don't know where 'she' puts it,'' spectator Sue Van De Kreeke said. "I got sick watching her. I've never seen a competitive bratwurst eater prop them up on a table and put 'her' hand behind 'her' head and force them down 'her' gullet like that. I think the fact she had 'her' other hand working furiously under the table was a distraction to others. Well, that and the drooling and moaning anyway."
The previous bratwurst-eating record by a cock-wielding-girl-thing was 19 1/2 brats in 10 minutes.
Thomas's victory at Brat Days came two days after "she" won a grilled-cheese-sandwich eating contest in San Diego. She won handily by eating 22. "I just rolled them up into kind of a, um, I don't know...I guess a 'tube' shape and swallowed them whole. It made me feel like I was at 9th grade band camp ALL over again."
Thomas, a Burger King manager from AlexOrAlexandria, Va., is ranked second by the International Transsexual Federation of Competitive Eating. Her various eating records include ones for hard-boiled eggs (65 in 6 minutes 40 seconds) and chicken wings (167 in 32 minutes) and steamed sheep testicles (86 in 18 minutes, and two on the hoof for emphasis).
The bratwurst contest was sanctioned by the International Transsexual Federation of Competitive Eating. Nick "You think I ain't Nicole Sheridan?" Schneider of Plymouth ate 15 brats to win the amateur division. -- BUTCHER BOB
