Private

Rating: THREE & A HALF "Snapshot" BUSTED NUTS

With PRIVATE CHATEAU, the Euro porn giant has effectively simulated the experience of flipping through one of their fuck mags.

Page one, the introduction: a little tits and ass.
Flip to page two: jump to images of the blow job.
Next page: skip ahead to vag penetration, followed by anal and maybe DP.
The last two pages: cum shot.

It’s like that, except with this video you get a lot of bumbling acting and a rough hewn story in-between.

"OVER LAND, OVER SEA, THERE IS A LOAD SOMEWHERE THAT WAITS FOR....ME!"

Private is improving on the voice over-dubbing in its feature “films.” Sort of. Now, they decide to only
over dub certain people, so you’ll have a conversation in which one person’s voice is bouncing all over the room, and the other guy will sound like he’s in a sterile sound studio.

But soon enough it’s time for another video equivalent of a photobook.

This is cool if you need immediate gratification on a short attention span. But many times all you get is a glance, and then you’re forced to move on. It reminds me of when I was a little kid and my dad had an old-timey, silent video camera that actually used film. I didn’t understand that in order to get something to watch, you actually had to hold the record button for a while, and thought that my dad was wasting a lot of the film by shooting for, like, half a minute at a time. I’d show him; so I took stuff I wanted to record in short bursts of like, one second. I never saw that footage, but I think it’s the kind of thing that would cause epileptic seizures in just about anyone.

Private keeps bringing the hotties, though. DORA VENTER is getting better with age, and CRISTINA BELLA and her rock solid eyelashes are oozing sex in a way most feral.

We’re looking forward to the next couple installments of this series. -- STEELY ROB

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