Pureplay Media

Rating: TWO & A HALF "Sausage On The Barby?" BUSTED NUTS

Well I’m a drummer, so any film that starts out in a rock star’s shag palace, LANNY BARBY coked to the gills and offering her body to the stardard Bon Jovi cookie cutter clone, well, it’s got my attention. Admittedly, being a drummer, I’d be relegated to grimly jerking off in the corner, but that’s by the by. When Lanny looks THIS fucking hot, I’ll take anything. And so will she by the looks of things, every crevice BUT her ass getting full attention. Her tan body sweating up nicely. Fucking lead singers…

"WELCOME HOME, BABY." LANNY BARBY SAYING HELLO TO HER PAYCHECK.

Our slutty lead girl stars in all the scenes here –- what a trooper. ANAIS ALEXANDER (and the random dude who appears out of nowhere, chowing down on Lanny’s pussy without even so much as a "hello"? Good man) certainly is nice to look at, but it’s all a bit Michael Bay –- all style, no substance. Their threesome soon turns into what looks like a game of Twister after too much crème de menthe; I want hard sex, not meticulous posing in slow motion for Christ’s sake.

By the third scene I’m getting tired of Lanny’s "fuck me, pay me" face, and she never seems to want to go as far as her uber-slut image would suggest. If you wanna look like a whore, then act like one. Properly! Quit it with the crossfades and slo-mo bullshit Miss SUZE RANDALL (on production duties here).

Next scene, please?

Ah, excellent -– more rock star groupie dick tickling. Damn Lanny’s got a good ass. And her friend JAYNA OSO has that look only a pornstar can cultivate –- she’d take you for all you’re worth and you’d love every second of it. God, I hate women. But the scene makes up for what’s gone before, all impassioned moans and enthusiasm, even a nervous, almost method ass licking from Lanny, clearly tapping into her character’s range of emotions –- you go girl!

Unfortunately the nerdy gimpstick offspring of SPIKE JONZE and FRED DURST in the last scene doesn’t deserve Lanny and KIMBERLY FRANKLIN slobbering over him –- and the scene is partially looped, WTF?! A big dick he may have, but it’s an injustice to gentlemen everywhere when a turd with his baseball cap on backwards and pasty jaundiced chickenlegs gets two prime fuckdolls on his lap.

And is paid for the pleasure.

I bet he’s a drummer too. Asshole. -- TEABAG

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