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Vinnie Pick of the Week
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10.03.03
HOLLYWOOD HO-DOWN: HALLE BERRY? MADONNA? J. LO? CUM CATCHERS? ENQUIRING MINDS HAVE NO DOUBTS AT ALL!!!

ALL THE REAL SPURIOUS SKULLGAME SHIT THAT'S FUCKING FIT TO FUCKING PRINT

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YES. SHE DID NOT FUCK US EITHER.

"We're going to HOLLYWOOD. They'll see that we're so good. We won't care how we feel. And we'll get to fuck BROOKE SHIELDS. And we'll just sit and grin and the money will roll right in."--SLAMMY DAVIS, JR.

"I just went to fucking England. Now I'm back and on the streets of LA, drunk and wondering where the pussy at. It doesn't get much better than this. Well actually it does since I'm waiting for a bus right now but you know what the fuck I mean."--VINNIE ROSE

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WHERE VINNIE REALLY WENT


HALLE BERRY DUMPS SEX ADDICT AND SINGER CRAPONAIRE ERIC "I AM NOT FRENCH" BENET

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HIS CAR ANTENNA STAYS ON MY MIND

SKULLGAME has learned that Oscar winner Halle Berry has separated from her husband, sulking singer Eric Benet, after nearly two years of marriage, an absolutely ripping affair with our own CORNHOLIO, and a realization that she was married to a man who actually named a song FEMININITY.

In a statement that Berry released today, she said: "Eric and I have had marital problems for some time now, mostly because of the hauntingly piquant memory of Cornholio's cock and the dreams of plenitude that they fostered that I just never seemed to ever be able to forget. We tried to work things out but Cornholio's cockitude was just too much. However, at the this point I feel we need time apart to re-evaluate our union. And track down Cornholio's phone number [reachable through SKULLGAME, baby. 650-714-4891--VINNIE ROSE]."

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THE COCK THAT LAUNCHED 1000 SHIPS

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I...I...LOVE HIM!!! CORNHOLIO, CORNHOLIO, WHEREFORE ART THOU?

Halle recently opened up about her struggle to forget Cornholio's cock, his car antenna, and his bewitching smile and make her marriage work in the October issue of Elle magazine. Berry also said she supported Eric during his rehab for a reported sexual addiction that he developed trying to shore up his flimsily held sense of heterosexuality against the stunning Masculinity of Cornholio.

SKULLGAME wishes him lots of fucking luck.

AGED POP QUEEN MADONNA STRIKES BACK AT MORAL CRITICS IN AN EFFORT TO STILL SEEM DANGEROUS AND DARING AND NOT DOWDY, DULL OR ANYTHING AT ALL LIKE A WOMAN WHO ONCE FUCKED VANILLA ICE

"SKULLGAME wishes her lots of fucking luck," says VINNIE ROSE


Madonna has hit back at critics who have questioned her moral right to pen a children's book--about all she can handle at this point--after one worried mum attacked her at a press conference over her screamingly miserable stumble through her ruined career husband's remake of Swept Away.

The pop singer staged a press-invited reading session of new hit book "The English Roses" in a New York library, a building she hadn't known existed, on Monday, which prompted one parent to quiz her on her morals.

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ROLE MODEL, PSYCHO WHORE AND DESTROYER OF CAREERS: MADONNA!


A stunned Madonna was left almost speechless when the critic, a member of the invited media, asked her how she felt she could write a children's book after appearing naked and suggesting cock suckage in the pathetically soft porn tome "Sex" a decade ago.

But after the press conference, Madonna mumbled something about, "having a right to write anything I like about anything. When I published 'Sex,' that was a subject I was interested in exploring.

"To me, they're both reflections of who I was and who I am now. Who I want to be. Who I might have been. Who I never knew I was. Who I might try to be tomorrow. Who I haven't been for awhile. Who I...." she said eventually trailing off sadly.

Madonna went on to insist she still has no regrets about her wild past, while waiting reporters cleared their throats and wondered aloud about the deli tray, but she does regret being mean to people.

"In my dealings with people, and the way I've treated people, there have been a lot of times when I've said something unkind or acted selfishly or egotistically. I mean times when I've been an absolutely unconscionable fucking cunt. A real no talent, ego hungry fuckhead. I mean a real, just a real goddamned, whore and bitch on fucking wheels. But I'm over that now. Stupid."


J. LO PLAYS THE WAITING GAME FOR AFFLECK

Superstar actress and diva Jennifer Lopez is desperately trying to convince her Peter Allenesque (read: GAY) fiance Ben Affleck she's a down to earth girl and in a bid to rescue their floundering romance she's stopped screaming at her manservants and started doing nice little domestic things around the mansion like getting out of bed before noon to not throw things at her retinue of retainers.

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OK, STUPID. HOW MANY GODDAMNED TIMES DO I GOTTA TELL YOU? NO FUCKIN' WIRE HANGERS!!!!!!

The "Gigli" co-stars stunned the desperate and bored showbiz world when they called off their lavish September wedding at the last minute amid claims Affleck had, in one brief moment of scrotal fortitude, left the actress in a vain attempt to salvage his career from a fate worse than MADONNA.

And now the pair are reportedly holed up in Affleck's Georgia mansion in an effort to make a final decision on the future of their relationship -- but pals close to the Latina stunner fear the stress is taking its toll on her.

"Jennifer is trying to play the happy homemaker right now. She went to Georgia with her passel of personal trainers, spiritual advisers, stylists and the 'chuchifrito man' to try and prove to Ben that she's not high maintenance, that she can be happy without all the frills. But that can only last so long," her friend stutteringly noted, her eyes darting nervously hither and yon.

Another tells New York website Pagesix.com, "J. Lo is miserable. Absolutely miserable. She is putting on a good show right now. But she doesn't know what to do. Ben doesn't really want to get married. I mean on account of him being gay and all.

"But Lopez is a stand by your gay man type of woman and won't leave Affleck unless he does something else or she finds another gay man. She simply can't be without a gay man."

A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM HALLE BERRY: CORNHOLIO!!! THE MAN, THE COCK, THE LEGEND. HE SOLVED ALL OF MY PROBLEMS, NOW LET THAT NEGRO SOLVE YOURS!!!

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I WILL SOLVE ALL YOUR MOTHERFUCKING COCK PROBLEMS. BUT FORGET THAT FUCKING GAY SHIT.


 


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