HAPPY 4TH OF FUCKING JULY
Do what we do today: Blow some shit up.
--
INTERVIEW: CARLY FROM PORNBLOGRAPHY
You read her. Admit it, you read her. Not a guilty pleasure by any stretch but more like a touchstone to all that’s big sisterly and familial about porn. I mean despite our best efforts to put the mash on her
“So ah, look, let’s go to….”
“No.”
Carly from Pornblography is and remains a leveler in an industry desperately in need of leveling.
So with no further fucking ado.
CARLY.
SG: Well we’ve been laid exactly NO times doing this shit, why do you bother?
CARLY: Originally it was just because I liked to write and friends were always asking me about the industry anyway so it just sort of ended up making sense. But you’ve really never gotten laid as a result of doing this?
SG: We were just trying to set you at ease, baby. We get laid ALL the time. In fact I’m getting laid right now. But you said “originally.” Have the reasons changed much?
CARLY: Well I started doing editing at AVN, then did PR for Metro and now I freelance but it’s changed in that now I just do it for selfish reasons. For myself, basically.
SG: In much the same way that I jerk off. For ME.
CARLY: But you know I was also just more interested in demystifying it from the forces outside of the industry that might be demonizing what is….
SG: A multibillion dollar industry.
CARLY: Exactly. And I mean a lot of my readers are from outside the fence.
SG: OK. Who is good whose payroll you ain’t on right about now?
CARLY: Well EVIL ANGEL turns out consistently interesting product. So does Jules Jordan. And even though I AM on their payroll, I’d have to say ZERO TOLERANCE as well.
SG: And what sucks?
CARLY: All of that Chubby Chasing-Midget Fucking- Grandma Lesbian shit. As a consumer I just have no use for them.
SG: Well we call them PARTY TAPES. The shit you buy for hapless bachelors who are on the verge of getting married and need to mock the so-called lifestyle they’re leaving behind to feel okay about their totally ridiculous lifestyle choice.
CARLY: Uh. Yeah.
SG: OK. Last question. AL BORDA: ASSHOLE OR NOT?
CARLY: Uh, ASSHOLE. Definitely.
--
THE LAST GREAT ERECTION: A PSYCHOSOCIOLOGICAL EXAMINATION OF THE ANGLE OF THE DANGLE
Holy friggin' moley. The squirrels are chattering in the trees outside. Peacefully gathering the fucking nuts and odd variety of comestables and victuals that appeal to like a squirrelly palate. Playfully chasing each other. Duking and dipping from branch to branch.
But wait.
One squirrel has mounted another in an unmistakeable act of coitus. The mounting squirrel thrusts, stops and flees. The mounted squirrel wanders off in what appears to be satisfaction. Or is it relief?
Ah, various acts of squirrel felony are all in a day's work for our rodent brethren.
Meanwhile back in the fucking jungle, a nation is celebrating being able to sodomize their neighbor to the degree that their neighbor likes to be sodomized. Glad handing. Back slapping. There is finally joy in Mudville.
And the critics shake their heads and wander aloud
"Jesus fucking H Christ on a Goddamned Crutch, when's the game going to be on?"
What we mean is this: at first we thought that the fact that we DE-mystified sex was BAD. And like a catholic priest in running shorts, that we should shorn the mystery from the act and then everything would be perfect. But nuttin' is ever perfect and so it is that we find ourselves seeing more, doing more and not having the slightest fucking idea why? Why? Why?
Dudes dressed up like stuffed animals. Broads dressed up like horses. Men AND Women sporting diapers.
And a nation of people staggering up to the bar to find that they're in a dry county when it comes to the art and attainment of pussy.
So we've changed our minds. MYSTERY is GOOD for sex and the high priests and priestesses of this new mystery religion, PORNSTARS, are the idiot savants of a goddamned NEW age. In other words we don't know what they do but we like it. And like it a lot.
So now if you will excuse me, me and Italian Sal are going to kick back in Mansion Mack Avenue SkullGame, slap in a friggin' porno and ponder the greater mysteries of Stephanie Swift's ass.
Ciao baby,
Vinnie Rose
www.skullgame.com
