He fucked Mr. Beaver and fucked Mr. Beaver good. In fact if Mr. Beaver had half the fucking in his movies that Italian Sal dished out to him in his review he might have been able to compete with the Mighty, Mighty Rocco Siffredi.

And speaking of the Rocco Siffredi shit that Sal dug heavily on, he noted, and this is from someone who fucking parlays the lingo and speaks Italian that even HE can't figure out what the fuck Siffredi's talking about. Kind of like Black folks and James Brown. His lips are moving but there's no sound that makes any sense coming out of his piehole.

Sort of like the pricks who panned ITSY BITSY GANGBANG #3 with Maria the Midget in it. What? A midget fucking and sucking six guys at once makes you want to cry?!?! It's not BAMBI, sissygal, it's the fine, fine Midget Fucking porn we're grown accustomed to from the purveyors of porn at Heatwave.

Yeah yeah yeah, I KNOW this might exert the SCARED STRAIGHT Syndrome on those faint of heart and weak of willie like the time a bud asked for a loan from my Library of Congress size stash of porn and I slipped a Max Hardcore in there and he flipped.

"I KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TRYING TO DO!"

"Relax, Mikey Mike. It's just sex."

"Fuck YOU. I want sex like that about as much as I want to see my crazy old uncle fucking his 300-pound wife. You're trying to scare me away from PORN. But I want be stopped. Now where are those old Christy Canyon videos you were going to lend me."

NATIONAL ALERT: ANYONE SEEING CHRISTY CANYON NEEDS TO HAVE HER CALL US IMMEDIATELY. LIKE IMMEDIATELY BEFORE SHE GETS ANY OLDER.