AND from the SkullGame Male Bag, this recent missive from the previously AWOL RAYMOND J. JUSTIN JONES JR. THE GODDAMNED 3RD:
"It's hard to find time to watch porn with a three-year-old girl in the house. I'm not used to this shit. I plan on getting the fuck out ASAP. It could be worse, I could be homeless. I'm about to take Amber to court. "
"HI. MY NAME IS AMBER. I SPEND MY RENT MONEY ON WEED PURCHASED FROM MEXICANS ON OVERLY SMALL BMX BIKES. WOULD YOU LIKE TO PAY ME $5 FOR MOUTH SEX?
"She owes me $611. My lawyer says she doesn't have a leg to stand on. He's gonna do it for free because he feels bad that I lost my house and shit. She's probably going to jail cause she got caught with weed, and she's already on probation for coke. If I never get my $$$, at least I'll have my revenge, I'm a firm believer in it.
Peace,
RAYMOND J. JUSTIN JONES JR. THE GODDAMNED 3RD"
And Peace to you Mr. Goddamned 3rd!
DESPITE CRACK WHORES & CRANK COVER, MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL STILL AN OVERWHELMING GAY PUBLIC PASTTIME!!!
"HEYYYY...I'M NOT THE GAY ONE. SEE? I'M GRABBING HIS JUNK & HE'S LETTING ME DO SO. ERGO: HE IS GAY!!!
DETROIT (SkullGame) -- Due to the unusual on-field presence of top round draft pick punanny, crack, crank and steroids in a heady bouilabaisse of apres AL activity, the NL lost for the eighth straight time, handing over home-field advantage in this year's World Series to whoever ends up winning the AL. "I guarantee you," said La Russa, when someone asked if that might hurt his Cardinals, the league's best team, "that we won't have one thought about not having the home-field advantage what with all the cock coddling and nut handling going on in our dressing room. NeverMIND the dug out."
While the entire Cardinal organization would like it made clear that cock is NOT what's for dinner at their training table Pitcher CHRIS CARPENTER was not so sure. "Oh, right. And I suppose my dick has just been sucking itself this whole time?!?!?"
NEWSFLASH: INTERSPECIES MARAUDER & SEXY TALKER SEAN PENN FUCKS SAN FRANCISCO SUICIDE GIRLS IN LOCAL HOTELS FOR FUN & AMUSEMENT. SKULLGAME HOPES TO GET IN ON "SOME OF THAT."
PENN (RIGHT) WITH WRIGHT (MIDDLE) WITH FAMILY "FRIEND" (BOTTOM)
SAN FRANCISCO (SkullGame) --
"Ohmigod. You won't believe what happened to me last night."
"You fell on some cock."
"But WHOSE? You see I was out drinking and Sean PENN was there drinking and next thing I know we were at this hotel and we were fucking. Well he was. Fucking. And coming too quickly. But we still were fucking. If that's what you'd call what he did with a cock that small. Jesus. Forget I even said anything. Don't tell anyone. Pleaaaassseee? He's married, you know."
"Oh. Our lips are fucking sealed."
PREGNANT SPEARS SLUT INVITES ERSTWHILE FAUX NEGRO HUSBAND TO HELL. "COME ON IN...THE WATER'S WARM!!!"
"OOOOO...DID YOU TELL HIM HOW DISGUSTING YOU ARE? OH. YOU WILL? WHEN HE GETS BACK? PERRRRRFFFFEECCCT...."
FLORIDA (SkullGame) -- Pregnant poop star and slut of stage and screen BRITNEY SPEARS is reportedly expecting twin destructive engines of talentlessness. The singer, 23, is expecting to give birth in the fall. Her husband, and Negro Impersonator KEVIN FEDERLINE, is already father to two children -- Kori, 2, and Kaleb, 11 months.
The New York Daily News reports Spears recently discovered she will be giving birth to two babies. Federline sighed heavily before jetting off to Vegas again to help a friend down on his luck over at the Spearmint Rhino. And to get some cigarettes. While he's getting the oil changed. On the Bentley.
MARIAH CAREY'S TITS WONDER ALOUD, "WHAT? NO SAUSAGE??!?!"
WE WAITED, AND WAITED. IN FACT WE'RE STILL WAITING. FOR ABOUT 3 SECONDS OF TRIPPED OUT TIT. AND HER TO SHUT HER PIEHOLE. SIGH.
BERLIN, HOME OF THE 63 YEAR OLD WHORE (SkullGame) -- Pop star MARIAH CAREY "accidentally" "flashed" her bulbous breasts at "stunned" "fans" during a TV show in Germany when her dress "fell apart".
The star, who experienced a moment reminiscent of Janet Jackson's infamous "wardrobe malfunction" last year, was saved from further embarrassment, and possible upside fame considerations, when floor managers cut the lights to allow the singer to recover her dignity -- and clothes -- in obscurity, according to MTV News. While never finding her dignity, only begrudgingly finding her clothes and while bumping into obscurity all over the place, the red-faced, like RED SKELETON-red-faced superstar saw the funny side, quipping, "Someone bring me a jacket or the show's off, we all know how quickly these images can spread around the world.
Haha.
We hope."
LT. TODD ATKINS RETURNS IN BIRTHDAY PARTY BRAWL
"FALLUJAH??? I LOVE IT."
"I took my little brother to a pool party last night because his best friend had a birthday party. To start with, I was in a foul mood because of some of the internet yappers who had been talking smack behind their keyboards who wouldn't have dared say that to my face. Secondly, some jackass Navy officer had forced me to take a bodyfat test and I had failed. The fucking Navy has decided to dock my pay each month until I get down to 15% bodyfat, which could take months of dieting. Needless to say, I was pissed.
As I took my little bro into the backyard, I wanted to take a look and see who my possible opponents were. As I have learned in the Navy and in martial arts, opponents exist everywhere but it is up to the individual to locate them. There were a couple of tough looking guys, but I was pretty confident in my abilities as a fighter. I have been training pretty hard with Scrapper lately and was jumping at the chance to test out which worked better in a real brawl, the Navy's Hand-to=Hand or Scrapper's NHB style.
My little bro played in the pool for a while and I could sense that I was getting stared at the whole time. It was hot outside, so I had taken my shirt off. The mothers of the kids were staring at me in admiration of my physique and the fathers of the kids were staring at me in jealousy of my good looks and the fear of possibly having to cross me. I just stood there pretending not to notice anything and look intimidating with my arms crossed to show off my biceps and tattoos.
The night went on and eventually it was time for the kids to hit the pinata. I volunteered to make sure the little 10 year olds stayed in line and kept my intimidating stare fixed on them in case they started to go wild. Sure enough, one of them did. Some little fat boy tried to cut in line in front of my bro and I wasn't about to permit it. I fixed my icy glare on the future fatty but he ignored it, hoping I would forget about him. Instead I spoke up and with my deep manly voice told the little cheat to hurry up and move his fat ass to the back of the line and drop the stick, or else. His parents immediately came over.
“Excuse me? What did you just say to our son?”
And with that, the father tried to stare me down. The father soon turned his head and blinked, scared to look at me in the beginning stages of a vicious rage. As it turns out, the mother wasn’t as easily intimidated. Instead of wasting my valuable time on some dumb broad, my mind resorted back to the training I had received under Scrapper. I reached back and shoved the kid to the ground and took the piñata stick from his hands. Then I delivered a stunning blow across the face of the wife, knocking her to the ground while she screamed in agony. The husband charged me and even absorbed a blow from the piñata stick before taking me to the ground. Apparently, he was some type of trained wrestler. It didn’t matter, because Scrapper and the Navy had taught me exactly what to do in a situation like this.
I placed him in my guard, reached my hand up and squeezed his balls until he let go of me. Then I hopped up and delivered a powerful spinning kick across his face, knocking him senseless. Their little kid had gotten back up and was trying to bite my leg after watching me beat down his parents. I decided to teach this punk a lesson by suplexing him into the pool headfirst. I followed him down into the pool and held his head underwater until he apologized to me for causing the whole scene.
Afterward, I jumped out of the pool and looked around. I asked if anyone else wanted to test the Navy's finest, but no one even had the brass to look me in the eye. I put my shirt back on, did a little flex for the ladies, picked up my little brother, cut a slice of birthday cake for myself on the way home, and left. It was a hard lesson to learn, but at least now that little kid realizes serious consequences exist for cheating.
Lt. Todd “The Teacher” Atkins (TM)
