Mack Avenue Skullgame
Vinnie Pick of the Week
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If you're dealing with us?
Why, yes, you will be
[ Full Review ]








07.11.05
SKULLGAME'S COKE RAGE ISSUE: EVERY ITEM IS WRITTEN IN THE FULL BLOOM OF COKE RAGES. A GUARANTEE. PLUS LENNY KRAVITZ ON ASS PATROL, MARIAH CAREY COMMITS HARI-KARI WHILE CONTINUING LONDON BOMBING & KATIE HOLMES PRACTICING UNCOMFORTABLE SEX ACT!

THIS issue of SkullGame is being brought to you by TERRY SARGENT a.k.a. The Skullgame Writer Who Was Too SkullGame For Even SkullGame.

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SEE WHAT THE FUCK WE MEAN?!?!

Yes. At SkullGame Quality Control is Job Fucking #1 and while Sarge's interest and adherence to world history beginning with Jew Killing and, um, ending with Jew Killing, was conceptually compelling, the bald-headed sluts, the rampant faggotry and the really bad music, not to mention his cripplingly codependent and coercive friendship with SKEETER KERKOVE and well, you see our problem. We had to let him the fuck go. He will be missed. By Heinrich. Whose deep and abiding belief in his theorizing AND his ass was almost sort of touching. In a piquantly homoerotic sort of way.



"LENNY KRAVITZ?!?! SHEEEIIITTT....THAT NIGGA FUCKED MY COUCH ONCE TOO!!!"

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"DIG. STEVIE'S BLIND, RIGHT? SEE WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS? I'MA FUCK THIS WHITE BROAD RIGHT HERE. TELL HIM SHE SOME KINDA NEW SINGER OR SOMETHING. FUCK YEAH IT'LL WORK. I DONE IT THOUSANDS OF TIMES."


LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Rocker & Fucker of Possibly Every Living Thing With A Pussy & A Face LENNY KRAVITZ has received so many compliments for his stylish, semen-stained home interiors, he's launched his own fucking design company. The singer started furnishing his friend's homes, after he had to come up with some bullshit to explain why he was there when they got home from work to find their wives tired and Kravitz under the fucking bed.

And so now he's decided to turn his talent for drilling bitches and mixing contemporary and retro semen stylings into a business that will get his cock even closer to whatever cooze you might have just laying around.

He says, "Nigga, you know how many people aksed me to do their homes? Or them? If I had a fucking nickel....Anyways, I love things that are rooted in classic styles -- like your broad on my cock -- and you'll see quite a bit of that as well as a blend of, um, you know, furniture. And shit. You might even see an art nouveau chair with a Negro in it next to a chair from the 1960s with another Negro in it."

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"THE RETARD? GODDAMNED RIGHT I DID HER."

"There's a lot of styles in it, because like in music, I'm well versed in style, so it could be completely modern style, it could be classic in different styles. It has to be comfortable, it has to have a sensual style to it.

Especially if by "style" you mean "bitches."



FAT HO UPSET THAT PUBLIC NOT MORE YIELDING WHEN CONSIDERING FAT HO'S. THEIR FEELINGS. THEIR THIGHS.

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MARIAH & HER NEGRO PORTER TREVOR ABOUT TO DO A RIB RUN.


LONDON (SkullGame) -- R&B beauty and goddamned fat fucking ho MARIAH CAREY flew into a fat-fueled rage on live German TV from London Thursday night -- after a cheeky comedian drew attention to her cellulite problem. And her penchant for race mixing. The singer attacked funnyman Oliver Pocher during a tense interview, in the only way she knew how: with her godawful screeching, immediately after he looked at her tight-fitting dress and joked, "What do you call a stuffed sausage in English?" And "are you now or have you ever been a Jew?"

She fumed, "There are too many men here, delivering turkish pizza, and you, you are not being fair."

Pocher explains, "We were simply discussing the cellulite Ms. Carey has on her legs, and how it reminded us of, oh so many Jews..." and then again more wistfully, "so, sooooo, many Jews....Anyways, I only said what the public were thinking. About Jews, I mean."




KATIE HOLMES "POSES" IN "WEDDING" DRESS "FUELING" HOMOSEXUALLY FULFILLING CRUISEIAN SPECULATION REGARDING SPECTACLE & ITS LIKELY CONNECTIONS TO COCK

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"I WISH THAT...WELL, THAT ONE DAY ALL WOMEN WILL BE AS LUCKY AS I AM. AND BE ABLE TO FIND THEIR VERY OWN SUPER SPECIAL MAN. WHO'S GAY.


LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- The future Mrs. TOM "I'M NOT GAY" CRUISE aka KATIE HOLMES has already tried on at least one wedding gown in anticipation of continuing her painfully uncomfortable ruse yet another month. Katie Holmes appears in the August issue of W magazine, a gayer magazine which is almost impossible to find, posing in a Commes des Garcons wedding dress and continuing to gush about her fiance, the notorious HETEROSEXUAL Tom Cruise. The "couple", who went "public" with their "relationship" in April, haven't announced a "date" for "their marriage."

"Tom and I will always be in our honeymoon phase," Holmes says in W, on newsstands July 22. "Right up to the very moment when he finds the charade too staggeringly wrong to fill," said Holmes, right before Jessica Rodriguez, who is described as her "Scientologist chaperone," hit her with a bang stick. Rodriguez's role in Holmes' life remains vague, though Rodriguez says they're "just best friends" since meeting around the time Holmes met Cruise, who has been nowhere to be seen in her general vicinity while working on pool-related issues with houseboy and general factotum Ramon.

"You adore him," Rodriguez told Holmes in what is clearly just the tip of a much-more gooned out iceberg when the actress was at a loss for words to describe her love for the non-homosexual.


 


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