Acid Rain

Rating: THREE "Rubbing Pairs Of Nuts" BUSTED NUTS

Triple penetration.

The letters, the form, the syntax—not much of it makes sense.

"MY NAME IS BROOKE HAVEN & YEAH, I'M REAL FUCKING GODDAMNED GLAD TO BE HERE. OK? NOW BLOW A LOAD ON MY FACE SO I CAN GET FUCKING PAID & BACK TO DOING WHAT I DO BEST: SUCKING ON LEMONS."

Even at the first glancing of the packaging I was left turning the cover over and over--contorting the cover paper into a sort of Rubic's cube--hoping to eventually make some sense of it all. I fell short of my goal; but I did arrive at the threshold of epiphany—being that Acid Rain arguably has the ultra hardcore end of the porn spectrum down pat; crossed to an inexorable T. Slapping, spitting, choking, fucking, sucking, cursing, lying, defiling, deploring, befouling, and drugging—Acid Rain is a company that we can proudly endorse and tip our hats to as gentlemen would do…

…but that doesn’t take away from the fact that the "triple penetration” protocol was a bit of a misnomer; or that the dubbing is more fucked up than Father’s Day in Harlem; or that the BROOKE HAVEN segment oozes with sensitivity and consideration and is about as exciting as a Mennonite shopping at motherfucking Frederick’s…

SANDRA ROMAIN, ALICIA RHODES, AUDREY HOLLANDER—I choose not to bitch too much; and while I may brew my tea a bit differently I’d recommend this to the viewer that can never pour enough “-ing” into their pot of degradation.

And that’s probably you, now isn’t it? -- JUDGE ROY BEAN

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