Mack Avenue Skullgame
Vinnie Pick of the Week
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If you're dealing with us?
Why, yes, you will be
[ Full Review ]








06.13.05
MIKE WE HARDLY KNEW YE...TYSON VS. JACKSON: A SKULLGAME STUDY OF ITALIAN SALANETICS MISAPPLIED. PLUS: KELLY OSBOURNE FATALLY FAT? OR FUCKABLE? MADONNA'S EFFORTS TO OUT-JEW JEWS REACHES NEW LEVEL OF JEWINESS; AND KEANU REEVES AIN'T FOOLIN' NOBODY.

But first....Imagine...if you will...a man who whilst claiming his sexual affiliation as heterosexual, imagine that this man one day called his friend Bob over and perhaps said something along the lines of "Bob. I'd like to have you take some shirtless photos of me leaning over the ass-end of my little red corvette."

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...HEY BOB?

Now imagine this same man tried to fuck something that was something that VINNIE ROSE was fucking. Now while Vinnie ain't no hater he does hate the stench of the sneak, the snitch, and the bitch. Now imagine, if you can, Vinnie discovering this man, a man whom we'll call Brett, trying to fuck Vinnie's ho on the side withOUT paying. What would you think that our man Vinnie would do exactly?

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EXACTLY.



KELLY OSBOURNE'S COCK CRY FOR HELP. WILL SKULLGAME HEED THE CALL??!?

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THE EAT SHIT SISTERS: KELLY (LEFT) WITH HER SPIRITUAL ADVISER & DRUG COUNSELOR PRO TEM COURTNEY LOVE

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Rock matriarch SHARON OSBOURNE is devastated that her daughter KELLY is riding the revolving door road to rehab -- but she insists the treatment has nothing to do with drugs, much, or the fact that her father is a multiply addicted drug addict, or the fact that she has no extant excuse for existing or any of the 45 other reasons why she SHOULD be getting high and staying high, but is, instead, related to Kelly's low self-esteem, what on account of her being rich and fat, and now rich, fat and sad.

During an interview with the reputable journal of note The National Enquirer, Sharon broke down in tears when she revealed Kelly checked into a clinic after she "lost count of both her money and the muffins she had been eating and became hysterical" following a recent appearance on the U.K. TV show "Friday Night with Jonathan Ross."

The presenter had jokingly asked Kelly, 20, whether her new slim look in her publicity photos was the result of digital enhancements. A tearful Sharon said, "That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Kelly had a 'breakdown' because of her 'weight'. This is 'not', I repeat, 'not' about drugs. I wish it were that simple, but it's not. Kelly had a complete mental meltdown. They've always made fun of the way she looked, referring to her at times as a cow, a fat cow, a fat bitch cow, which is really redundant if you think about it, a fat bitch cow fatty fat fat fat, and so on. But this time around it seemed worse than usual to her and she could no longer cope with that. Being so fat and all."

Kelly checked into Pasadena, Calif.'s Las Encinas hospital last week where she will take a treatment of tacos and chocolate covered-mallomars to ease her reintroduction to the fat life.



ANOTHER ITALIAN SALVO: BEING LIKE MIKE

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"IN THE JAILHOUSE WE DID IT LIKE THIS...WAIT...LEMME SHOW YOU..." IRON MICHAEL TYSONWITZ ADVISING HIS CLIENT ON THE VICISSITUDES OF PRISON POKER

EDITORIAL (SkullGame) -- How is one Mike not like the other? A question that has been posed many times by many men and received many a varied answer. While both Mikes have had their respective brushes with the law for indiscretions of sexual nature both had very different outcomes. Okay, okay, both Mikes are indeed Black men, genetically, insofar as both were born with penises. One maintained his blackness, as well as his penis, while the other decided to forgo both his on his trip to middle-aged white-woman-ville. And while Mike with the penis was convicted, Mike the white woman might walk...

Where was I going with this?

Oh yeah, my bad.



MADONNA, NOT CONTENT TO JUST DESPOIL HER HUSBAND'S CAREER, SETS ABOUT DESTROYING ALL OF JUDAISM IN HER ROCKET RIDE TO SUPER JEW STATUS

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OH YEAH. YOU LAUGH NOW. YOU JUST WAIT.

LONDON (SkullGame) -- Pop queen and stain on the eyes of eternity MADONNA has enraged residents of an exclusive area of London with her plans to open a Kabbalah drop-in center on their doorstep. The devout singer has splashed out $2.9 million on a swanky property near her own home in Regent's Park, North London, and intends to create a haven where devotees of Kabbalah can meditate and chant and count some of that $2.9 mil in peace and money-counting serenity.

But neighbors of the five-story abode are furious at the prospect, and have slammed Madonna's Kabbalah religion as a money-making "sect." Zeze El-Dib fumes, "We do not want any sect here. I do not want to interfere with anybody's religious wishes but with Kabbalah we have to be suspicious as we are indeed of any and all Jew-based religions."

Another unnamed local says, "Having a Kabbalah center would be totally inappropriate. It is a seriously manipulative sect, which is very good at getting people's money, including Madonna's. Yes..." said the source narrowing his eyes and pensively puffing on a cigarette-holdered cigarette, "getting money... swindling money...cheating money, you know, the usual for that kind of religion."

Madonna, or Esther Feldstein, as she is known by fellow Kabbalists, has also purchased a property in New York for the same purpose -- and is currently spending a staggering sum developing the center where followers will be able to count her cash away from the hubbub of the modern world.

And thieving Armenians.




YET ANOTHER BROWN REASON TO LIVE

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MY OTHER HAND??? ONE GUESS...

NEWSFLASH (SkullGame) -- The first installment of the new celeb-reality show BEING BOBBY BROWN has one episode with Bobby describing how he helped his wife with her constipation, by inserting his fingers to massage it out. Whitney says, "When I told my girlfriends about it, they said 'That's real love, baby. That's real black love.'" Bobby then holds up four fingers and wiggles them in front of the camera.

Jesus fucking Christ.


 


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