And because we at SkullGame support helping in any small way we can, and we support Literacy & Shit, we're starting a new public service campaign to help sluts read. It's called our Help Sluts Read Literacy & Shit program. Our first month's offering, designed to help non-reading bitches, as well as sluts, is the sensitively scripted tome by Axis partner, Japanese writer and asian sensation, YU KANEKO. Please buy a copy today to help us support sluts too stupid to read what here we just wrote.
BECAUSE SLUTS NEEDS TO READ SHIT TOO!
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER HAILS THE CORONATION OF THE NEW GERMAN POPE, "TOMORROW TRULY BELONGS TO US," HE SAYS WHILE TURNING HIS STEELY GAZE TO THE SKY
WHAT?!?! WHAT?!?!
VATICAN CITY (SkullGame) -- German Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, the Vatican's hobnailed chief enforcer of doctrinal orthodoxy, was elected as the new Supreme Pontiff of the Roman Catholic Church today and took the name Pope Benedict XVI after the death of the Polish Prince of Peace and former Zxyklon B chemist Pope John Paul Ringo II died.
Ratzinger, 78, who in his memoirs wrote of being enrolled in Hitler's Nazi youth movement "against his will" when he was 14 in 1941, says he was soon let out because of his studies for the priesthood. Two years later, he was drafted into a Nazi anti-aircraft unit as a helper, and was eventually enrolled as a soldier at 18 in the last months of the war. Parting the red velvet curtains draped over the center balcony of St. Peter's Basilica however, barely less than an hour after his election by the College of Cardinals, Ratzinger was greeted by a roar of approval from more that 100,000 people packed into St. Peter's Square and spilling into the streets of Rome, their right arms raised in triumphant salute.
"Dear brothers and sisters, after the great Polack Pope John Paul II, the cardinals have elected ME -- a simple, humble, jackbooted worker in the Judenfrei vineyard of the Lord," he said after being introduced by former member of Menudo and current Chilean Cardinal Jorge Arturo Medina Estivez.
"The fact that the Lord can work and act even with insufficient means consoles me, and above all I entrust myself to your prayers," the new pope said. "I entrust myself to your prayers and my new security detachment, the CC."
The crowd responded to the 265th pope by chanting "Heil Benedict! Heil Benedict!"
GODDAMN RIGHT THEY DID!
ARREST WARRANT ISSUED FOR K9 COPULATING ACTRESS NATASHA LYONNE
"I PUT THE FUCKING DOGGY IN DOGGY STYLE," SAYS THE OBVIOUSLY SLAMMERGASTED SLUT
NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- Actress NATASHA LYONNE, whose work in, um, that movie called, um, well it was about that thing, was slapped with an arrest warrant Monday, after failing to appear in court to answer charges stemming from her "alleged" "threats" to "molest" "a" dog.
The "American Pie" actress, oh yeah, that was it, the movie wherein they fucked a pie, 26, is charged with criminal mischief, harassment, trespassing and dog-sucking-off-ing after a recent incident when authorities said she banged on the door of her neighbor, stormed into the apartment, ripped a mirror, upon which she did copious amounts of blow, from the wall, and proceeded to fellate the family pooch.
Police were called to the scene right as Lyonne fled with a mouthful of evidence. The visibly shaken neighbor said that the slut said, "I'm going to sexually molest your dog." And apparently she did.
Manhattan Criminal Court Judge Abraham Clott issued the arrest warrant after calling her case three times. Prosecutors say Lyonne showed up in court one hour late, stayed 30 minutes, and wandered off muttering.
AND ON A RELATED NOTE: MAN-LOVING MAN & "FRIENDS" HELP SLUTS FIGHT CRYSTAL METH WITH CRYSTAL METH AT A.I.M. BENEFIT
AN OBVIOUSLY HIGH JASON SECHREST SEARCHING FOR SOME HEDGE CLIPPERS, OR A MACHETE, TO DEAL WITH HEAVY UNDERARM BRUSH. AND METH. AND SHIT.
HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- JASON SECHREST has been added to the list of adult entertainment celebutantes that include TERA PATRICK, NINA HARTLEY and RON JEREMY appearing live at "Kink 'N' Drink: Porn Stars United!," a benefit for AIM Health Care and Friends Helping Friends Quit Crystal Meth By Using Crystal Meth In An Effort To Keep Them Away From Crystal Meth. The variety show event will take place on Sunday, April 10th at King King in Hollywood, California, beginning at 9:00 pm. We only just now got around to it what with helping all of our friends stay AWAY from that evil shit.
Sechrest will perform two showstoppingly sausagesque showtunes along with the boys of girls of JasonCurious: BRITTANY ANDREWS, SHAY SIGHTS, JASON HAWKE and BRANDON BAKER.
WOOOO HOOOOOOO!!!!
"It's gone from being a fashion affectation to becoming a full-blown fashion trend in both the porn industry and the gay community," says Sechrest of crystal meth addiction while frantically searching around for his blueprints of his waterbed, as well as the condenser coil from his now no longer working refrigerator. "News flash: Crystal meth is not a diet! And I'm just doing my part by huffing it, starting projects that never get finished, and getting out there and supporting those friends of mine who are trying to clean up their act by confiscating their meth. Meth that I subsequently turn over to a holding tank in my nostrils."
AND IN A SPECIAL SKULLGAME EDITORIAL ITALIAN SAL COMMENTS...
I disagree with this with every nook and cranny of my body. Seriously, this is a bad idea on an almost cellular level. Without crank-induced fuck flicks we will be right back to where we started wherein erstwhile sober women allow themselves to be subjected to men the likes of Ron Jeremy in all his hairy fat cromulence. Please, please, please, people!!! Please!!! Taking the meth out of fuck flicks is like taking the wine from the cheese...and how crazy would that be.
Thank you.
THE NEW ULTIMATE FIGHTING CHAMPIONSHIP'S LIGHTHEAVYWEIGHT CHAMP BREAKS THE UFC'S MORATORIUM ON THEIR FIGHTERS APPEARING ON SKULLGAME
FIRST I WILL PUNCH YOU. AND THEN I WILL PUNCH YOU AGAIN. AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. AND WHEN YOU FALL DOWN? WELL I WILL PUNCH YOU AGAIN. UNTIL THEY GIVE ME CASH & WOMEN SUCK MY COCK: NO, IT IN FACT, DOES NOT GET MUCH BETTER THAN THIS.
LAS VEGAS (SkullGame) -- The new LightHeavyweigh Champion Chuck Liddell met with SkullGame's VINNIE ROSE post-this recent fight and had THIS to say.
SKULLGAME: An avenged loss. How does it feel?
CHUCK LIDDELL: Great.
SG: So what's the deal with the hair?
CL: Haha. You're funny.
SG: What? Like a clown? Like I amuse you?
CL: Haha. So you're a friend of Todd's?
SG: I'm your worst NIGHTMARE.
This last comment was met with a dismissive hand wave and an exit from my presence. So we'll just mark that down as "AFRAID TO FIGHT ME."
Yeahhhh....
