Leisure Time Entertainment

Rating: FOUR "Adventures With, Or WithOUT, Dentures" BUSTED NUTS

As bowel cancer is to hot fucking pussy so is ADAM & EVE to LEISURE TIME ENTERTAINMENT. You see my ADAM & EVE vendetta is precisely what led me into the long-awaiting arms, many years back, of LEISURE TIME, a company whose name is synonymous with all things LEISURELY up to and including pants around your ankles TV viewing, sock fucking and, in this case, FOUR FUCKING HOURS of hot flashing fucking quick 50 plus bitchery. In other words: MY idea of fucking LEISURE. Complete with smoking jacket, cravat and this gordian knot of a goddamned video.

CHECK OUT, BROTHER MAN. YES, MY MAN, IT IS YOUR LUCKY FUCKING DAY!

That is: this vid is fucked up. It's like a find WALDO deal...getting to the porn on the DVD itself took 15 minutes not including waking up, rolling over and then searching for the sock. However, despite this phone sex snafu (phone sex ads proliferate on this motherfucker), despite the fact that these editors don't have the courage of conviction to not punctuate every senior citizen suck scene with either an actual senior citizen or a phone sex line ad with NON-senior citizens in it like some sort of palate-cleansing cracker and, finally, despite the fact that KOVACS, the cat that runs this bitch, used to fuck OLIVIA (encapsulated knobs or not...fuck YOU, DOCTOR...why don't you just accept the fact that I...I...LOVE her...is that so hard to understand?!?!), this vid is a fucking Frankenstein monster of pure and total genius.

DON FERNANDO and RON JEREMY, or at least their younger incarnations, are in this...JEREMY with a signature blast, "I ain't getting PAID today...today I'm STEALING the money." And DON FERNANDO? Well, yes, his cock is still small. But there's some hallucinatory stuff with TRINITY LOREN (R.I.P.) who is by NO stretch OLD and what's more doesn't not even have her dead face cum on. But we're willing to forgive that. We're willing to forgive the phone sex line infomercial in the middle of this vid for STICKY SHE-MALE SURPRISE which, in my mind, sounds like Saturday night at DAVE DIETRICH'S house. We're willing to forgive that some of these broads are clearly not AARP members.

But we ain't willing to forgive the old DUDES. Yes, while watching old broads getting boned is as delightful to me as doing it MYSELF, watching old dudes is about as fun as watching ME do it myself. Wait: watching me do it is much, much BETTER. At least no one'd think I was about to have a fucking coronary.

NONE OF THIS MATTERS THOUGH: because I just LOVE me some old bitches.

1) they try harder
2) they're atoning for the sins of their youth when they blue-balled us with impunity
3) the psychomonograph of a 60-year old broad who suddenly decides that she wants to get plowed and pasted for the amusement of America is a thing of wonder
and
4) NONE of these sluts reminds me of MY mother.

Strike a blow against mortality. Gum a Granny today. -- VINNIE ROSE

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