VCA

Rating: FOUR "Been There, Didn't Do That, Goddamn It" BUSTED NUTS

The age of the porn knock-off, with a few minor exceptions, is dead. STAR WHORES, ROMANCING THE BONE, SHAVING RYAN'S PRIVATES, and a host of others are wunnerful reminders of a time when jerkoffs who were jerking off liked to jerk off to shit that made them feel like jerking off was a joke.

JULI, APPARENTLY, KNOWS NOT A GODDAMNED THING ABOUT LAWNCARE

That was then.

This is Now: Gonzo's got us all jerking off like we were holding an international symposium on jerking off. In the universe that can only be properly credited to MAX HARDCORE, Hollywood knockoffs make about as much jerkoff sense as Hollywood movies. Good entertainment (maybe) but not good jack-o-tainment.

So it was with extreme trepidation that I popped this fucker in. You see, SAL, GINO and I, well, we had this thing with JULI ASHTON. Yeah,way back when we were on PLAYBOY RADIO, me and Sal and Gino and Juli Ashton had a torrid, torrid fourway that resulted largely in, in addition to loads and loads (not being shot), us being removed from the premises (and asked to never return). But BEFORE then there was much titty being grabbed, her grabbing cock and smelling our underarms (hey...don't ask), and mucho fucking merriment.

Anyways, while it wasn't like we hadn't seen her fuck before this, it was damned sure we hadn't seen her fuck SINCE then. And now having done so all I can say is too bad she had her period that night (she told us) and too bad we didn't fuck her anyway. Because even though this whole thing is sort of a vanillaesque exercise in pre-gonzo couples' corn that rips BEING JOHN MALKOVICH, watching Juli get doubleteamed by a team that includes the estimable MR. LEXINGTON STEELE is worth the goddamned price of admission.

I mean Juli fucks like she means it and to hell with the fucking paycheck. AND she ain't shy about loads on the lips either. In fact, this former schoolteacher and fine example of how older broads fuck better, is leading the charge in charitable giving. Especially if by charitable giving you mean LOADS FOR LIPS...a support organization that helps the underprivileged...one drop at a fucking time.

I've given. Have you? -- VINNIE ROSE

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