A Procedural Note: SKULLGAME and VINNIE ROSE are coming to a TOWN NEAR YOU. Between October 4th-20th, we will be doing what we do best: chasing pussy and being roadies for our favorite group of all time, OXBOW. The secret password is TEAMING UP FOR GODDAMNED AMERICA. Oh yeah, ITALIAN SAL and LITTLE JOE are holding down the fort in our absence. Bring drugs.

IT'S FULL ON ACOUSTIC GAYNESS. SO YOU CAN BRING YOUR WOMEN TOO. NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT HERE. NOTHING LIKE DV CAMERAS AND POCKETFULS OF E. NOPE. NOTHING LIKE THAT AT ALL.

10/04/04 Sabala's Portland OR
10/05/04 Graceland Seattle WA
10/07/04 15th St. Tavern Denver CO
10/08/04 Replay Lounge Lawrence KS
10/09/04 Big V's St. Paul MN
10/10/04 High Noon Saloon Madison WI
10/11/04 The Note Chicago IL
10/12/04 Mac's Bar Lansing MI
10/13/04 Comet Bar Cincinnati OH
10/14/04 Nyabinghi Youngstown OH
10/15/04 Broadway Joe's Buffalo NY
10/16/04 The Space Portland ME
10/17/04 The Warehouse Washington DC
10/18/04 Sidebar Tavern Baltimore MD
10/19/04 North Six Brooklyn NY

LAVIGNE, FINALLY WISING UP TO THE NATURE OF HER TRUE APPEAL, BARES HER BREASTS FOR FANS

CARMINE COMES THROUGH: LAVIGNE HITS THE STAGE, THE PIPE & THE BIG TIME. NOT NECESSARILY IN THAT ORDER.

NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- In a move that has SKULLGAME calling every single one of our New York cuginos what who owns a fucking camera, Canadian nymphet AVRIL LAVIGNE followed JANET JACKSON'S example by flashing her fucking tay tays during a recent tay tay flashing wherein she also sang a few songs or something.

The 20-year-old Lolita, who started off "singing" in "churches," performed at New York's trendy Crobar Club last week and shocked fans by baring her chest before they could get their cameras out, reports unnamed attendees.

A shocked witness says, "She...she seemed to be in a really good mood. What with all the 45-year-old men in the audience cheering her on. Yeah, she was having a lot of fun. Especially if by fun you mean Freebase. We didn't expect to see her boobs though. Avril was ecstatic."

And so will we be. As soon as CARMINE gets us some video from the live feed that he got offa JOE NAILS.

MADONNA IS A GENIUS, OXFORD DECLARES IN A MOVE GUARANTEED TO WHORE OUT, IN TOTAL, THE REPUTATION OF THERE BEING ANYTHING HIGHER AT ALL ABOUT LEARNING

LOOKING AS SHOCKED AS WE ARE: MADONNA ON HER WAY TO A PEP RALLY. BOOLA BOOLA!!!

LONDON (SkullGame) -- Pop slut and grandmother MADONNA is so frustrated that she sacrificed her education for pop music and millions and millions of dollars, she's allegedly enrolled at Britain's prestigious Oxford University for a degree in English Literature, which will allegedly, it was incidentally and curiously noted, cost her millions and millions of dollars.

The Material Girl rekindled her love of books after writing popular children's series "The English Roses," and is looking forward to studying for a Bachelor of Arts, at the celebrated institution, which counts as past students four British Kings, 47 Nobel prize winners, 25 British Prime Ministers and six saints, and now one pop slut.

An insider tells Britain's the Sun newspaper, "She is determined to get a qualification. She sets herself new challenges all the time and the Oxford University course is her latest. It's an illustrious place to study and she was delighted to be accepted and will make the most of the opportunity. The Slut."

JENNIFER LOPEZ ALMOST WEARYING OF BEING UNREGENERATE CUNT

AND THANKS TO COUSIN CARMINE: TWO, TWO, TWO CUNTS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE

NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- JENNIFER LOPEZ is being given intensive media coaching by esteemed personality coach NORMAN GORMAN, in a bid to appear more down to earth. Oh, and less of a cunt.

The actress is reportedly sick of the negative press she gets for being a cunt -- and wants to, in full-blown ulterior motive-mode fashion, start afresh when she begins promoting her new, non-cunt-based movie, "Shall We Dance."

A member of her well-paid entourage says, "Jen's taken a battering over her movies. And her cuntish behavior. So her people have been working to get the press back on her side by magically trying to make them forget alllll about the cuntish aspect of her personality.

"She's been working with PR experts to get her pitch just right and not come across the wrong way. Like a cunt or nothing."