When your so-called fucking friends look like this...
...YOU TAKE MYSTERY PILLS AND JUST HOPE THEY'LL GO AWAY
CANNES THE BRITS MAKE A GOOD FUCK FLICK?
LIGHTS, CAMERA...NOW QUICK, BLOW ME!!!!
CANNES (SkullGame) -- A British film with half an hour of real sex has premiered at the Cannes Film Festival to a wild chorus of yawns. 9 Songs shows a couple in several steamy positions--the monkey in the pipe, the kiss of an angel, and the timeless ass master--for more than half the 65-minute flick.
Stars Kieran O’Brien and Margo Stilley — who have real-life partners who will believe just about anything if you slap a price tag on it that says ART — had not even met before being cast as the only characters, said a breathless producer interviewed by phone on a SkullGame-Stolen credit card.
"It's not porn because there's no abusive sex — they play a couple in love," he said, completely heedless of the fact that he just described every production house in San Fernando Valley.
And he defended the raunchy scenes in the film that had no script and was largely improvised by saying: "Sex books are explicit, so why not films?"
Because you limey fuck, you suck, that's why.
SOCCER STAR DOES SOMETHING...LIKE ONE THING...THAT ANYONE ELSE IS EVEN REMOTELY INTERESTED IN AND THAT'S? PORNO!!!
A SOCCER PLAYER IN AN ALL-TOO FAMILIAR POSITION
A Euro soccer player, which is nearly synonymous with RAVING HOMOSEXUAL, named ADRIAN MUTU was lured into a sex trap by a blonde porn star. He was secretly filmed enjoying three fuck and sucks with Penthouse centerfold Laura Andresan, 27, at an apartment in his native Romania.
The wild sex sessions had been set up by a newspaper that had a camera in the window of a nearby apartment.
A BRITISH BALL HANDLER PAR EXCELLENCE
Despite ALL prevailing evidence to the fucking contrary, the now-divorced Mutu, 25, said yesterday: "I didn’t think she was that kind of girl. If I had, I wouldn't have gone with her. She is a low quality woman for what she did."
And you, sir, are a soccer playing sausage smoker.
The ho Andresan, herself a former journalist, has starred in a hardcore film called WEEKEND ON FIRE, and teamed up with the best newspaper in England to pull off the sting.
Slut.
NO FUCKING WAY THIS FUCKING BITCH IS BACK IN THE NEWS
YES. YES. I AM, IN FACT, A COMPLETELY UNREGENERATE MEDIA WHORE. WHY DO YOU ASK?
NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- JENNIFER LOPEZ's new lover, and now officially THE STUPIDEST MAN IN NEW YORK, Marc Anthony has put the singer's former fiance Ben Affleck to shame, a feat of almost Herculean proportion, by buying the rich bitch a ring even bigger and shinier than the other totally unnecessary bauble, the $1.2 million six-carat pink diamond engagement band, she ganked from apple-liking Affleck.
[We at SKULLGAME, in an editorial aside, wonder how he liked them. The apples, that is.]
J.Lo has been spotted all over New York showing off a new eight-carat clear diamond on the middle finger of her left hand, a present from her new Latin chart star beau Anthony.
Although pals insist the new band isn't another engagement ring, they claim Anthony was determined to give the twice-married star a bigger ring than Affleck. Because he is so GODDAMNED STUPID.
A source says, "This (ring) is to tell the other guys--Negro rappers, fag actors, hapless dancers, mexican valets, the chuchifrito man, or just about anybody else--'Yo step off. This bitch is my bank roll.'
"Jen and Marc didn't want any of that colored diamond shit, either. That doesn't match half her outfits," the source concluded while a nation loaded its guns.
