Acid Rain
Rating: THREE "Great Taste, More Filling" BUSTED NUTS
Slapping. Spitting. Choking.
And assholes worked like fucking Mexican day labor.
Sounds like Saturday night at my crib.
Minus the Pontiac SR2435 antenna, my preferred model for its superior styling, concealability and rust-free ass-stinging performance, of course.
GIVE ME GAPE. Goddamned right. White broads getting fucked like white broads was going out of style. All KINDS of white broads. A bunch of them first-name-only white broads like VANESSA and STEPHANIE (even though I suspect Vanessa got some ching chong in her). Bunch of them, ah, two name kind, name of SHAYNA KNIGHT, JAIMIE BROOKS, RED HEAVEN and VICKY VETTE.
VICKY VETTE: THE WORST CASE OF TALKYITIS WE'VE SEEN IN A LONG TIME. WE RECOMMEND MORE COCK. APPLIED HOURLY. TO THE MOUTH-AL AREA.
Oh yeah yeah, Vicky...Pumping like a fucking turbo vette. Her look--big ass, fake tay tays, bleached blonde hair--makes me think of 1999 all over again. She busts in on gay bodybuilder LEE STONE as he takes a shit in a sink and calls it a bidet. That was a great line and this scene is like goddamned GREAT....if only there was some way to shut HER the fuck up.
I guess there is. And it's called the MUTE button.
But lemme go back to SHAYNA KNIGHT aka the HEART and goddamned SOUL of this flick. She's the kind of Ho I like. No, no, no, make that LOVE. She starts out kind of slow. Semi-seeming sort of like reluctant. Like "yeah, I'm going along with this shit, but I'm getting P-A-I-D." And then by the time the plundering penii of dynamic duo, escaped Nazi STEVE HOLMES and the Panamanian strong man MANUEL FERRARA, start to go pole vaulting she's moaning like, well, like I was turning her ass OUT.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's well made and shit, but the money move in this flick is on Shayna and if they did one thing right it was tell her "nah, baby...I guarantee you. You're going to go farrrrrrr in this bidness. You could even be a star even like, uh, like, well...PARIS HILTON."
But so, yeah they got all kinds of white broads in here doing what white broads do: fucking and sucking. And that's good.
Oh yeah, they even got one white broad in there, and this show's y'all how talented these fucking filmmakers are, who appears to have been a dude not too long ago. BRIJAYE LOVE.
Fine by me if you want to use them galboys. Just put them in a tranny video, yo.
MAYBE WE'RE JUST BEING A LITTLE FUCKING PARANOID. OR MAYBE NOT.
Outside of that...well is there really an outside of that here? Nah. Pretty much the party comes screeching to a halt when I gotta watch four sets of nuts bouncing up and down on an ex-dude. I mean if I want a prison picture, well I'll rent one.
You motherfuckers mark my goddamned word: NEVER USE THIS NEAR-DUDE AGAIN.
Now if you excuse my ass, I'm a'going back to SHAYNA to kind of cleanse my motherfucking palette.--CORNHOLIO
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