Mack Avenue Skullgame
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05.05.04
WELCOME TO THE SKULLGAME HATE ISSUE WHEREIN OUR VITRIOL WILL SUBSUME THE DECENCY OF A NATION IN A MIASMA OF BAD VIBERY, DRUG BURNS, AND GENERAL FUCKING HOSTILITY

YES. YES. YOU'RE OFFICIALLY IN HELL NOW.

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AND OUR NEXT TUNE IS...YES, THE TUNE WE JUST PLAYED...AGAIN!!!



HOW GODDAMNED STUPID AM I? VERY. VERY GODDAMNED STUPID!

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WANT TO FUCK ME NOW?


ASSHOLIA (SkullGame) -- BRITNEY SPEARS, can add to the lengthening list of the ways in which she offends the gods, her total refusal to learn, a trait of higher animals, from her goddamned mistakes. Which are legion. While husbands can be erased as easily as a check can be written, tattoos are much harder to remove, especially when you are stupid, and the singer has messed up YET ANOTHER ONE of hers.

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DICK EATING IS A VERY SPIRITUAL PURSUIT

The 22-year-old has had a series of Hebrew symbols etched into the back of her neck in an act of devotion to Kabbalah, the mystical form of Judaism she was introduced to by another dumbass, her grandmother, MADONNA.

But when quizzing the first baffled Jew she ran into, she discovered amidst smirks and uncomfortable throat clearings, that the symbols are absolute gibberish.

Says a source: "She had hoped it would say new year or new era. It seems she's got the words the wrong way round and so now it just says I EAT DICK."

"She's taken to Kabbalah pretty seriously and this was a big deal for her."

Tattoos, it should be noted, are forbidden under Jewish law.

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NO AMOUNT OF HAIR WILL CONCEAL FROM THE WORLD THE PAINFULLY OBVIOUS

However Britters has a history of not being tattoo careful. Which is a nice way of saying REALLY FUCKING STUPID. The Oops I Did It Again singer had a Japanese word scratched on to her hip bone that was supposed to mean "mysterious" but in fact turned out to mean "strange."



SKULLGAME'S NEWEST IRREGULARLY OCCURRING FEATURE: ASK A GUY WHO HATES YOU

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YEAH, THAT'S A GREAT SHIRT YOU'RE WEARING. ASSHOLE.

DEAR "GUY WHO HATES YOU": I have been dating this woman for about six months who because of her religious hangups is unwilling to have sex until she is married. She is an ultraorthodox Jew and while I, myself, am also a Jew I consider myself more of a secularist. What should I do?--I Canít Wait (by email)

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I SING THE BODY ELECTRIC. AND NON-FUCKING

DEAR JEW: Oh! What should I do? Listen to yourself will you!

I think you should really respect this Jew broad for having the courage of her convictions, you know to be able to stand up straight whilst the rest the world gets down, legs akimbo. Stick around as long as it takes, satisfy yourself with a steady stream of steamy encounters on internet chat rooms with dudes posing as women, supplement that with a couple of late night rendezvousí at highway rest stops with girly men and truckers and you will be fine. Before you know it, it will be time for your wedding or briss and everyone will be screaming "Mazel tov!" or "Ole!" or whatever. Trust me, her attachment to her hymen is a mitzvah in disguise. This will give you loads of sex free time to discover your true dancing mincing sashaying self.

Get where I am going with this? Prick.



"IN THE FUTURE EVERYONE WILL BE HIV POSITIVE FOR 15 MINUTES. JUST KIDDING."--ANDY WARHOL

SAN FERNANDO VALLEY (SkullGame) -- Following the typical goddamned methodology of a day late and dollar motherfucking short we at SKULLGAME have discovered that Patient Zero in this whole HIV hysteria issue is none other than

JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT!!!!

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COME AFTER US NOW YOU SUE CRAZY CUNT

Nahhhh...Just kidding. It's BIANCA BIAGGI.

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AND YET PARIS HILTON WALKS AROUND VIRTUALLY UNTOUCHED

WE say this not in triumph, but in sorrow. Sorrow that sausage sauce will no longer flow between her lips, that will she will a stranger to man meat, that hers is a future of knitting, macrame and collecting glass menageries.

And then we all woke up. Listen we won't belabor this anymore:

An INEFFECTIVE virus is one that KILLS its host. Viruses MUTATE. HIV has had an uncomfortable detente with people now who have lived upward of 20 years and the research shows that if co-factors are minimized--no crank, crack, coke; no 60 cock gang bangs; no starvation diets--people will live as long as they have thusfar [See: the serial adulterer MAGIC JOHNSON].

Now fucking take it easy you dumb sonsabitches.

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DON'T LET THE SOUND OF YOUR OWN WHEELS DRIVE YOU CRAZY


 


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