One procedural note: While SKULLGAME usually refreshes three times a week--Monday, Wednesday and Friday--this last Friday we did not do so on account of us going behind the bars, inside the sanctums, and underneath all the bullshit concensus reality concerning the cocks and cunts that we find so endlessly entertaining in this biz we call show.
Oh. And we were drunk too.
WHERE WE'D LIKE YOU TO THINK WE WERE WHEN WE SAY "BEHIND BARS."
WHERE WE REALLY WERE
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME GOES DEEP, DEEP, DEEP UNDERCOVER TO DISCOVER THAT SAN FERNANDO VALLEY IS HAPPILY AND THOROUGHLY FULL OF SHIT...
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- In the midst of a potentially public imbroglio over porn, epidemic disease and chest-beatingly conservative cries of a desire for a return to simpler, more miserable non-porn times, the San Fernando Valley porn producers, helmspeople of an $8 million dollar industry, met in a series of secret meetings to discusss the future of the fuck flick. We snuck our fucking sneaky fucking asses into them all and this is what we've found...believe it or not.
1) Despite the much ballyhooed shut down, companies are still producing porn. The quarantined are still fucking quarantined but, other than that, it's business as usual. Winning the award for BIGGEST BALLS ON THE BLOCK? ANARCHY....who are currently filming another in the CREAMPIE series that features? Yes, you got it: all internal ASS cumshots. Genius!!!
2) LEXINGTON STEELE wants to kill HARRY WEISS for taking credit for all of the PR that Lex has himself done after breaking Harry off. Harry still gets the award in our book for the MAN WHO EATS MOST LIKE HOWLIN' WOLF, however.
MR. STEELE BRANDISHING THE IRON
3) DARREN JAMES didn't get HIV from working in Brazil, an assertion that's singlehandedly probably decimated the Brazilian fuck and suck trade. He got it from....
4) ...LARA ROXX, whose off-camera exploits are, allegedly, responsible for the currently execrable state of affairs.
5) DARREN JAMES didn't get HIV from LARA ROXX. He got it from working with TT BOY on his STREET WHORE series. Apparently TT is the one guy in the Valley who knows the fuck how to economize: by using real street skank. KUDOS TO YOU, TT.
TT BOY NOT GIVING A FUCK LIKE NOT GIVING A FUCK WAS GOING OUT OF STYLE
6) VINNIE ROSE is trying to find DICK DELAWARE to establish once and for all who the toughest man in porn is.
7) TAYLOR RAIN left the estimable SCOTT FAYNER from Luke Ford, in a move that was not completely unexpected, because he hit the drugs too heavily which, if you consider it for a minute, is like SLASH telling CHARLIE SHEEN to cool out. If any of these following people are telling you that you have a drug problem--KEITH RICHARDS, SLASH, CHASEY LAIN, TAYLOR RAIN, VINNIE ROSE--you just might want to take them fucking seriously.
TAYLOR "YELLOW" RAIN SOPPING UP THE SIGHTS
8) Our ace boon coon, MR. FUCKING MARCUS, actually knocked a bitch up on the set. Perhaps now is a good time to be rethinking being glossed with that World's Luckiest Black Man smack.
9) SKEETER KERKOVE wasn't created by HARRY WEISS. SKEETER KERKOVE pimped his wife BRIDGETTE's ass out for a weekend in New York and used that $20,000 he got from doing so to buy his way in. BRAVO!!!
SKEETER & BRIDGETTE: LOVE....AGELESS AND EVERGREEN.....
10) MR. MARCUS, in the most amazing development yet, has a book in development at RANDOM HOUSE. Perhaps now is a good time to begin re-glossing himself with the World's Luckiest Black Man smack again.
11) TERA PATRICK, in addition to being married to the sub-talented former NYHC'er, OZ-momo, and now current pornstar EVAN "The World's Toughest Jew" SEINFELD, is a pathological liar. Which means she wins the SKULLGAME Baron Von Munchausen Award. YOU GO YOU ASTRONAUT, U.N. MEMBER, CARDIOLOGIST GIRL!!!!
AND HERE I AM AS AN INSTELLAR FLIGHT CONTROLLER...
AND all of this underscores the fact that it's business as usual because if anybody knows porn people know that: talk of HIV epidemics is TOTAL unadulterated horse shit. Unless you happen to live in Sub-Saharan Africa. So be careful, but be wary of the PASP (People Against Stellar Porn) anti-porn agenda.
Oh yeah, and if anyone attempts to sue us for any and all of the above, we'll release the UNPRINTED half of the story to clear our fucking names. In other words: consider yourselves lucky you got off so goddamned lightly.
PLAYER HATERS ATTACK THE MACK
I'M A PLAYER HATER...AND I LOVE TESTICLES!
Below is a recently received email by some trembling offended half-man who is hoping against hope to swoop on some SKULLGAME sausage. Sorry my ass-eating friend, while we're comfortable enough with our masculinity and large cocks to just laugh at your earnest attempts to have some of our nuts laid on your chin, we're not stupid enough to be politically corrected into doing so. So good luck with sucking man meat, we'll go back to exploiting the power of collective bargaining by flowing ho's in group scenarios.
Oh! Look! He even included his email
hotlatyn@sbcglobal.net
Well, Hot Latin, welcome to MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME
"Okay first of all...you're dorks...and so fuckin' lame...Dude....get a clue: When straight guys brag about their cock, it's barely large. When gay guys brag it's usually fuckin' huge. I doubt any of you has a huge cock.
Now, it's none of my business really but don't you think you all are actually gay? And maybe it's hard for you guys to deal with those feelings for each other? After all, you're in San Francisco and it's almost a cry for help when you guys put out stuff like this. It smells real bad of homophobia.
ITALIAN SAL AND VINNIE: GOING THROUGH A PHASE
#1 rule: straight guys can rarely pull off the whole "I have a big dick attitude" so that theme is really repulsive coming from you. Also--wake up guys....what century are you in that you think women want a big cock so badly?! What frat-boy flicks did you rent together and jack each other off to when you decided that?!
Women really care less about how big a dick is...in fact...most women consider men a big dick they don't give a shit about your few inches of meat hanging off your pelvis. Gay guys LOVE BIG DICK and they often talk about it, and know which of the friends in any given circle has a big dick. NOW THIS IS WHY I suspect the repressed gay thing between you guys! Do you guys look at each other's cocks?? When you fantasize about gang banging a chick...do you often visualize your buddy's hard cock going into a chick's pussy? Do you like being naked with each other...If you answered YES to these questions, you guys are plain ole cock hungry queers. Don't worry we all have it and I got it so bad...I've been fucking and getting my cock sucked all weekend long!! So don't worry. I think it's normal due to the heat that you and your buddy feel like touching each other, looking at each other...and maybe even blowing? Who knows? The important message for you is to remember
#1 you are (by default) cheesy "straight guys" with mainstream, oppressive jobs. So it's inevitable that when you try to be cool, you will look like an idiot. Your stuff sings of homo boys wishing they were straight and fucking girls to try to prove some point.
T-BONE SANTA AND SOME SLUT SALUTING HOT LATIN
The #2 message is to treat women with respect and give credit as they have earned. You "men" are really good at nothing but following some dumb macho stereotype given to you by Pa! You can probably leave out the part about getting "the shit fucked out of you" -- It sorta portrays women in a bad light, guys. Remember....you're always dorks , but being gay is okay....treat the girls right and you will always have a boy friend to suck your cock. good night."
AND BECAUSE ALL OF THAT TALK ABOUT HOMOSENSUALITY MAKES US FEEL, WE DON'T KNOW....KINDA FUNNY WE'LL CLOSE WITH THIS!!!
HI. THE GAY MEN AT MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME JUST LOVE ME, DON'T THEY?
Man. We hate ourselves. Absolutely HATE ourselves for wanting to bang this broad with our BIG COCKS (Code for: We are GAY). And for wanting her to gum our gangplanks we are more than horribly ashamed (read: GAY). But if it's any solace, you all can sleep more easily at night (translation: hang with TOM CRUISE) knowing that we will be trying (Hot Latin Interpretation: Bouncing Nuts Off His Teeth).
Thank you very much.
