Platinum X Pictures
Rating: FIVE "What Do You Mean I'm Not GOOD Enough To Be A Professional Slut? Wahhhh..." BUSTED NUTS
Now at CASA SKULL there’s probably a lot of stuff that you could imagine us doing. Some of it even legal. Stuff like screaming at the neighbors to shut the fuck up when they complain about the music. Stuff like locking shrieking sluts OUT of the compound. Stuff like selling, buying or using meth. Wait. That’s not legal. No matter. The point is we do all kinds of shit over here.
But one thing you will NEVER catch any of us doing, that is anyone of us who is a heterosexual, is watching shit like AMERICAN IDOL. In fact our earnestly held belief is that no one who is not fond of the business end of a cock ever even bothers with shit like that.
TO ALL PRISONERS: MUCH BETTER TO IMAGINE THIS THAN ALL THE VERY REAL MAN ASS YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF MUNCHING AFTER LIGHTS OUT
Which is why this vid, which we are led to believe adheres pretty close to the real show’s parameters—contestants competing in this instance for chances at being pornstars--is such a fucking shocking departure: this is probably one of the coolest vids that we’ve seen this whole fucking month.
For exactly the following five reasons:
1) JEWEL DE’NYLE saying to one of the losers “You should just stick to eating bugs. Or whatever it is you do.”
2) RON JEREMY keeping his clothes on AND saying in an attempt to cheer up a hapless non-performing performer
“A lot of guys in porn are not big. I don’t want to mention any names like ALEX SANDERS, RANDY WEST, ED POWERS because I don’t want to hurt any feelings but….”
3) For the dude who when he lost started crying and trying to argue his way back into the WIN column.
4) The hot bitch schoolteacher who sucks, fucks and takes a giant load on the chin all, we imagine, for the sake of the KIDS, and finally
5) For the 61 year old wanna-be German porn dude who is an inspiration to us all.
Total fucking GENIUS. I fast forwarded through exactly NONE of this. Fucking captivating.—VINNIE ROSE
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