OR HOW WE STOPPED WORRYING AND LEARNED TO LOVE THE FACT THAT WE CAN'T DO FUCKING ANYTHING RIGHT

SKULLGAME DOES OSCAR IN STYLE BY MANAGING TO WEASEL INTO ALL THE WRONG PLACES FOR ALL THE RIGHT REASONS

WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT PARTY WE WERE AT BUT WE KNEW THIS WAS THE RIGHT FUCKING ONE. BELLADONNA GETS SOME HELP WITH HER FROCK FROM SOME BROAD THAT WE FIGURE TO BE SARAH JESSICA PARKER

HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- The glitz, the glimmer, the twin goddesses of greed and glamour were on full display this week in Hollywood as ITALIAN SAL, CORNHOLIO and VINNIE ROSE pulled into the City of Angels to raise a little hell.

"Well since CORNHOLIO banged HALLE BERRY way back when, we figured we were in like Flynt. Larry, that is," said a disoriented ITALIAN SAL. "But since we lost everything except our massive amounts of narcotics--our phone numbers, phones, directions, contact names, addresses, driver's licenses and whatever the fuck else--we thought there was no chance. We'd just go to Hollywood get some crackhead hookers and call it a trip but as we were walking down Hollywood Blvd. what should we fucking see but the Kodak Theater, the Oscars and jesus christ, some fuck that CORNHOLIO knew upped and got us into this party."

WHEN THE CHICK AT THE DOOR LOOKS LIKE THIS, AND THIS BROAD WAS LIKE 55 YEARS OLD, YOU GO THE FUCK IN

"Anyways," continues the baffled Sal, "we were at the DIGITAL PLAYGROUND premiere for their new movie LOADED. An ironically titled release as it perfectly described the dress code that night. ERIK EVERHARD was finger fucking this SARAH JESSICA PARKER bitch against the wall before going home alone."

FIRST YOU LET SARAH JESSICA PARKER HANDLE THE GOODS NEXT THING YOU KNOW SHE'S WHISPERING SHIT RIGHT...INTO...YOUR....MOUTH!

"CARLY from PORNBLOGRAPHY and her trusty sidekick YUKA managed to NOT be fucked by me and Vinnie again. NICK FERGUSON from the DENVER BRONCOS was whispering to me "shit. I shouldn't even BE here. I shouldn't even be photographed here." CORNHOLIO getting similarly into the swing of things slapped the fuck out of me for taking a picture of him with OLEG TAKTAROV's nephew."

ABOUT AS FUNNY AS GETTING FIVE ACROSS THE MOUTH

"And a whole bunch of other shit happened that I can't remember or can't talk about until the statute of limitations is cleared. But it, was, uh, fucking great. Wherever we were. And whatever we did. And whoever we did it with."

PARIS HILTON SUCKS CORNHOLIO'S COCK LIKE SUCKING CORNHOLIO'S COCK WAS GOING OUT OF STYLE

HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- Hotel heiress and Ho PARIS HILTON and best friend NICOLE RICHIE are set to shock fans in the second season of their reality show -- by stripping naked.

CORNHOLIO TOOK THIS PHOTO MERE MOMENTS BEFORE SHE SLAPPED HIM WITH A SLACK JAWED SUCK SESSION MORE NOTEWORTHY FOR THE TONE AND TIMBRE OF SLURP NOISES THEN ANYTHING ELSE WE COULD THINK OF

The sexy sluts have signed up to star in "The Simple Life 2," following the runaway success of their first series, which saw them doing all kinds of crap jobs. That is all kinds except for the kinds that involve cocksuckage. But this time, the duo will be working at Paradise Lakes nudist resort in Land O'Lakes, Fla.

Paradise Lakes owner Joe Lettellier says, "They think it would be really interesting to have these girls work at a clothing-optional resort. There's plenty for them to do. I think it would be titillating to have them here, whether they're cleaning out the pools or serving drinks.

"They would of course have to blow me first."

GOOD LUCK AND GOOD-FUCKING-BY. I'LL MAIL YOU YOUR UNDERWEAR

Which was curiously the same thing said by SKULLGAME's CORNHOLIO.

"This broad shows up to that DIGITAL PLAYGROUND party and she's all 'yo yo...' You know, trying to impress with all her nigga shit she done picked up from JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE. Anyways she asked me if me and Sal would take them to some place you know 'bling bling'. And I said 'yeah. Though you'd of course have to blow me first. And she did. And it was great. Or as great as ANY blowjob you get from a 20 year old. Which is to say: better to talk about then do. 'Bling bling.' Hahahahaha....White broads fucking KILL me."