Celestial Productions

Rating: 2.5 Queasy BUSTED NUTS

I’ve built a little shrine to LEYLA LEI next to my computer. It’s not much, but it’s out of real admiration. Lei is a little, dark, Asian mutt princess girl who’s just totally great. It’s seeming more and more like she’s actually battery powered. Whatever it is that there is to like, she likes it. But like the flesh and blood version of Speak and Spell, she can’t make her words sound like the other, all human, American porn stars.

But any scene with Lei is guaranteed to worth the time to watch it, as her doll-meets-fuck-slut feeds into several of the leading reasons why Westerners lose their minds over little, round Asian packages.

But as St. Hubbins said, there’s a fine line between clever and stupid. Anal Cumsumption loses big points because of two things:

1) The fuck gimmick of this movie. The deal here is, the chicks all felch. In other words, they eat and gargle the cum out of their and other girls asses. So you’ll be contentedly watching some backdoor action, the camera goes to something else, and, whatthefuckisthis?, there’s some dude off camera holding up a wine glass under the chick’s asshole. Mmmm-mmm... how much are they paying these girls? That’s all you can think about. Don’t pop this DVD in on a full stomach.

2) Leyla Lei rules, but the other girls are meh.

But maybe this DVD can be used for the good of mankind. Like, they could show it to Jenny Craig clients and then, after the video, gently suggest to try not to imagine having any shit tainted cum in their food, and I’ve lost 75 pounds thanks to Jenny. Philanthropic pornography. Who woulda thunk it?--STEELY ROB

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