“Football? You mean there’s a goddamn game today?” SkullGame’s VINNIE ROSE
"HOW'S ABOUT A LEETLE KISSH FOR AN OLD HALL OF FAMER???"
HOUSTON (SkullGame) – Tracking down Hall of Famer and NY Jets giant and man among men BROADWAY JOE NAMATH in a city replete with more sports figures and hookers than you can shake a prick at took more than some doing. It took, to be exact
Two (2) bottles of Robitussin
A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR'LL HELP THE MEDICINE GO DOWN, BABY
Four (4) Nembutals
US JUST MAKING SURE WE WEREN'T SHORTED. ONE...TWO...THREE? GODDAMN IT, BURNED AGAIN.
Three (3) High School Cheerleaders
BEFORE THE TEARS AND THE ARRESTS FOR PUBLIC INTOXICATION
And
One (1) rental car secured under SkullGame's unwitting financier DR. DICK HERTZ’S name.
THE DOGLIKE DEVOTION OF THIS MAN, WHOSE WILLINGNESS TO ALLOW US TO PERPETUATE CREDIT CARD FRAUD IN HIS NAME, MADE THIS ALL POSSIBLE. HERE HE IS IN THE FRONT SEAT OF OUR RIDE WITH HIS BITCH. WE, HOWEVER, REMOVED THEM IMMEDIATELY AFTER THIS PHOTO WAS TAKEN, ANNOUNCING "OK,OK, THE FUN AND GAMES ARE OVER." INTERESTING GIVEN THAT THE FUN AND GAMES HAD BARELY JUST BEGUN.
Despite his recent televised performance wherein he repeatedly asked his female interviewer for “a little kissh,” and of course the follow on and forced mea culpas, topped off with the obligatory visit to rehab, we here at SKULLGAME believe BROADWAY JOE to be exactly the kind of sports figure and idol that American teenagers sitting in the back seat of our rental car needed most at a time like this.
“Is he, like, your Dad?”
No Susie, he is not my Dad.
He is only one of the greatest quarterbacks this sport has ever seen and he’s sitting in our Chrysler Lebaron because his fucking car broke down, I’m climbing into the backseat to discuss the finer points of cheerleading and fellatio and ITALIAN SAL seems to be much more involved in the penile invasion of your friend’s purse. So he is most certainly NOT my Dad. He is our designated driver and our first interview of this crazy Superbowl season.
GLORY DAY NAMATH: "HOW'S ABOUT A LEETLE KISSH FOR A FUTURE HALL OF FAMER???"
SkullGame: Joe? That chick who finked you out? Lesbian or not?
JOE NAMATH: Where’s the key? Okay where are you guys staying?
SG: We’re over at the Sofitel on Sam Houston. But back to the lesbos.
JN: Hey brother, 100 percent….pure…LESBO.
SG: [screams] Ah, haha, we knew it!!! We knew it!!!
JN: Hey, pass up that red wine. [gesticulating wanly toward ITALIAN SAL]
SG: It’s Robotussin, baby.
JN: Whatever.
A SKULLGAME HATS OFF TO OUR PRESENT PATRON SAINT, THE GODFATHER OF SOUL, THE HARDEST WORKING MAN IN SHOW BUSINESS: JAMES BROWN
SAY IT LOUD: I'M BLACK AND I'M PROUD. AND LOOKING MUCH BETTER THAN THAT MOTHERFUCKER I FIRED, GEORGE CLINTON
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AND I BLAME THOSE SHITTY RED HOT CHILI PEPPER FUCKS
Soul singer and septugenarian James Brown was arrested after he allegedly pushed his 33-year old wife to the floor during an argument in a bedroom at the couple's home in Beech Island, 70 miles southwest of Columbia, authorities said.
While we don’t necessarily condone domestic abuse at SKULLGAME we think that THE AMAZING MR. PLEASE PLEASE HIMSELF should be allowed a little STAR TIME. Are you ready for STAR TIME? Ladies and gentlemen, JAMES BROWN and THE FAMOUS FLAMES!!!
James Brown's publicist Simone Smalls said “well he don’t know Karate, but he does know Karazor.”
Brown is known as the Godfather of Soul for a multitude of hits, including "I Got You (I Feel Good)," "Sex Machine" and "Living in America." Last month he was honored at the Kennedy Center as "one of the most influential musicians of the past 50 years."
PORNSTARS PUTTING THE HO IN HOUSTON
MONICA PUTTING THE MAY INTO, UH, HEM?
We have so far spotted or other wise been turned down by Legendary Superstar AMBER LYNN, SHAYLA LA VAUX, MONICA MAYHEM, and LEXI LAMOUR.
AMBER LYNN GOES LONG: 24, 73, 69...HUT, HUT, HIKE
And the question remains: how long will it take us masquerading as pro ballers before we get laid?
Place your bets.
AND ON A SERIOUS NOTE…
THE ENTIRE GODDAMNED COLORADO UNIVERSITY FOOTBALL PROGRAM CHARGED WITH RAPE
DENVER (SkullGame) -- Prospective University of Colorado football players were recruited with sex parties where women were raped, and school officials have resisted demands to stop the practice, according to a local prosecutor and a police officer. Boulder County District Attorney Mary Keenan made the statement during a deposition.
School officials have denied Keenan's allegations.
YEAH...WE KNOW JUST WHERE THIS PARTY IS GOING
In her statement, Keenan said she met with athletic department officials after a girl reported she was raped by a football player at a 1997 party. Keenan said she met with university officials again after a woman said she was raped at a 2001 party. Keenan said she didn't believe school officials took her complaints seriously when told by a former CU athletic department official that athletic director Dick Tharp and head football coach Gary Barnett decided against any changes.
"They decided that they would not change anything because they could not afford to lose the competitive rape edge against such great rape universities, or raperversities, as Oklahoma (and) Nebraska," Keenan said.
Barnett and Tharp denied the competitive rape allegations.
"That is absolutely a 100 percent out-and-out lie," Barnett told The Denver Post for a story in Thursday editions. "There is nothing funny at all about rape and we can assure you we take our rape competitions very seriously as bellwethers of our continued football success.”
University police officer Timothy Delaria said recruits were shown pornographic videos and told that easy sex was a benefit of playing at Colorado and according to one recruit "They told us, you know, 'Rape whoever you want, as long as you want. We have a tradition to uphold and we’ll be damned if we’re going to be shown up by those goddamned Sooners or Huskers. This is what you get when you come to Colorado."'
AND ON A FINAL NOTE…
“HE HATE ME” THE QUINTESSENTIAL SUPERBOWL SUCCESS STORY
HE HATE ME SHOWING THAT CLEARLY THOUGH HE IS HATED, HE DOES NAUGHT BUT LOVE IN RETURN
ROD SMART, who started off his professional football life as the XFL’s “HE HATE ME” has made it all the way from the doomed league to Superbowl stardom as the Carolina Panthers’ punt return specialist. But now that that road has already been forged what pundits here in Houston want to know is could that Colorado tightend and standout “HE RAPE ME” be very far behind?
THE CHRYSLER LEBARON: A REAL TRAGIC AND LIKE WEEPY PART OF THE STORY
OUR SUPERBOWL THANKS GO OUT TO BROADWAY JOE NAMATH, BUDGET RENT A CAR, AND DR. DICK HERTZ. SEE YOU NEXT YEAR.
