HAS-BEEN AND HO IN FIERCE PUBLIC FRACAS
OH YEAH. WELL I GOT PICTURES OF HIM SUCKING SCHLONG TOO! WHAT THE FUCK YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?!?!
PARK CITY (SkullGame) -- Backstreet Man Band singer and Pop homo NICK CARTER and Ho Heiress and Porn Actress PARIS HILTON shed their image as desperate-clinging-to-the-life-raft-of-significance media mongers and incidental lovers and tumbled headlong into full on JERRY SPRINGERESQUE street shit this past weekend.
The sexy couple -- who have been inseparable since they started dating like 10 days ago -- announced they were smitten with each other at the Sundance Film Festival on Saturday to a crazy crowd of three disinterested onlookers, but the following day cracks were reportedly beginning to appear in their completely unrealistic expectation union.
"WE'VE CALLED THIS PRESS CONFERENCE TO ANNOUNCE THAT OUR BAND SUCKS. OH YEAH. AND WE'RE GAY. DESPITE NUMEROUS AND VERY PUBLIC ATTEMPTS TO CONVINCE YOU OTHERWISE.
Paris became angry at Sunday's Motorola bash, and the couple exchanged words that sounded very much like "dirty, video cock-sucking slut bitch" and "fucking fag ass pole smoking used-to-be" according to the New York Daily News.
However, 10 minutes later, when the CRACK high was Gone City, she was back in his arms and kissing the Alley Adult.
A SKULLGAME 5 EASY FUCKING PIECES HITS THAT HOT BITCH DAYTON
1) What fucking charity would you donate to if all of your cash wasn't tied up into meth futures? Any kind of charity that would help the homeless get off the streets or to help battered and abused women and children. Reagan cut all these programs that helped them and things just haven't been the same.
2) If you were in a band what would you play? Guitar. There are no real rock stars left. And I love those long solos.
3) Shrimp-fried rice or pork-friend rice? Pork-friend rice because I love swine. I'll eat a whole package of bacon. I eat bacon like you wouldn't believe.
YES. YES WE WOULD. THOUGH AT THIS JUNCTURE IN TIME WE'RE MUCH MORE CONCERNED WITH SAUSAGE AND HOW MUCH OF THAT YOU'D BE WILLING TO EAT. HERE, CORNHOLIO FRIGHTENS HER WITH HIS REPEATED REQUESTS TO TAKE CARE OF YOU, BABY
4) Who do you dig working with? Well I hate boy-girl because it's weird and I want to get married someday and well you know but BILLY GLIDE would be my favorite.
5) Hitler: Misunderstood? I LOVE HITLER! I really do. My father is a huge WW2 collector and has a huge Nazi helmet hanging on the wall. And I actually own a German Luger. That's a funny question.
OHIO NEWS ANCHOR GETS BAD BOOB JOB, RESIGNS AMIDST INTERMITTENT HYPOCRISIES
OHIO (SkullGame) -- Members of the media are expected to represent the community with the utmost class and respect, Cleveland TV station WEWS reported. Which would account for the numerous photos and videos of several members of SKULLGAME fucking like fucking was going to be outlawed.
But one hapless northeast Ohio veteran news anchor, CATHERINE BOSLEY, was photographed when she took leave of what little sense she had left and stripped fucking buck naked during a wet T-shirt contest in Key West, Fla., last year with her husband.
WHAT PASSES FOR PLASTIC SURGERY IN AMERICA'S HEARTLAND
"It was just a spur of the moment, silly, totally fucking disgustingly sluttish and irresponsible thing to do that I regretted a great deal the next morning," Bosley said in a screed of self-debasement unparalleled in recent media memory. "Almost as much," she concluded, "as all of the bartenders I blew." She lived with the secret quite comfortably for 10 months until the pictures showed up on SKULLGAME about a week ago. Now she's out of a job.
"I felt like I disappointed myself. I felt like I disappointed God who, God knows, doesn't want me showing my bad boob job to the fucking world. And I disappointed this entire community," Bosley said. Pulling the pity card, she claims she had just recovered from a deadly lung disease called Grichovasto and wanted to celebrate life by making everyone look at her fake lemon sized protuberances.
"It was 20 to 30 minutes of my life. It didn't hurt anybody. I didn't do anything obscene. It was funny at the time," Bosley said in a panicked rush of pleading. "I know that I have to set a standard and I'm a bit of a role model so I take responsibility for what I'm supposed to be held up to. Even if I did have Grichovasto," she said. "This definitely goes down in one of those categories of what was I thinking? What the hell was I thinking, goddamn it?"
When asked what Grichovasto was, she glowered at us for what must have been upward of 60 seconds of painful silence.
Bosley went on to say that she asked bouncers at the bar where the contest was held if the contest would be a part of the Girls Gone Wild video, or if anything would make it to the national level. They said "oh, nooooooo," and rolled their eyes all theatrically and shit.
Bosley is working with a lawyer, in true asswipe fashion, to determine if any action can be taken against the bar or SKULLGAME.
BOSLEY SELFLESSLY COLLECTING FOR THE GRICHOVASTO CHARITY: NEWS AT 11
