“Of ass that is,” adds the perpetually chagrined VINNIE ROSE. “Yup. ASS.”
THE MACK MOBILE (SkullGame) -- The ADULT VIDEO NEWS awards, conspiratorially sponsored by a group only known by its mystery initials, AVN, is presently afoot. In Las Vegas. And so is the fucking MACK ATTACK. So, high on the highest octane offered to men just recently off of probation we, the partial crew cut of MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME--ITALIAN SAL, CORNHOLIO, STEELY ROB & VINNIE ROSE--will be repping THE AVE in the only way we know how: with great and felonious vigor.
THE GODDAMNED SCOOP:
What We Think Will Happen
We will interview the following broads. Especially if by "interview" you mean ply with K, E or the rest of the fucking pharmabet, and subsequently slip them the sausage.
ITALIAN SAL's Pick of the Litter:
I WILL FUCK HER BECAUSE FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES IT APPEARS THAT SHE'S SPORTING A RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS TATTOO AND I HATE THEM
UM. WELL SHE'S ALL SPOOKY AND SHIT. AND SHE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A MAN. AND I'M STILL KINDA SHOOK UP BY THAT WHOLE LORD OF THE RINGS GAY THING.
CORNHOLIO'S Crap Shoot:
HER NAME IS MONICA MAYHEM?!?!? I MEAN I GOTTA ANTENNA THIS SHIT UP. FO' SHIZZLE!!!
ARIGATO STEELY ROBOTO:
YOU SEE THAT ROOM SHE'S IN? IMAGINE ME IN THAT ROOM FUCKING HER LIKE FUCKING WAS ILLEGAL. YEAH. THAT'S WHAT I'M GOING TO BE DOING
VINNIE'S ROSE OF HARLEM:
SEE HOW COVERED UP SHE IS? THAT'S WHAT I LIKE. THE COVERED UP FREAK. NOW I SEES A FREAK LIKE THIS AT THE SUPERMARKET AND I KNOW WHAT 99 PERCENT OF THE MEN OUT THERE DON'T: THAT SHE'S GOING TO BE FUCKING. STONE. COLD. FUCKING. BABY.
What Will Really Happen
ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING
AND STILL.....OPTIMISM...COURTESY OF ITALIAN SAL
Viva Las Vegas! Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas according to the tourist board. The double murders, the heroin, the GTA? Yup, that's right: all staying in Vegas.
Anyways, we will live by our wits in Las Vegas.
Will SKULLGAME style in style and rent a hotel room while at the CES/AVN this weekend?
Absolutely not!
WAIT. WAIT A MINUTE, SAL. I THINK WE GOT OURSELVES SOME EDDIE MURPHY SHIT HERE....IXNAY ON THE OPTIMISM-AY
Hell we will all live by our wits--STEELY ROB, CORNHOLIO, VINNIE and myself will be roaming from party to party, casino floor to casino floor catching the occasional nap in the bathroom stall of the Chevy’s. Or better yet, Taco Bell.
Viva Las Vegas!
It will all be about styling and profiling. Dressed to impress, and other stuff, that rhymes and sounds, you know trendy.
You might say: “Sal, you cheap mother fucker!” To which I respond “what better way to do Vegas then by the skin of your Nuts?”
A SCENE SOON TO BE REMINISCENT OF OUR ENTIRE WEEKEND
I am planning to not bring a change of clothes, underwear, socks, nothing. It will be me with a pocketful of rubbers and counterfeit 20s and a balloon full of meth shoved up my ass.
Living large and in charge. Booyaa!!!!
FULL REPORT NEXT GODDAMNED WEEK!!!!
