POLITICAL PRISONER, MR. WHITNEY HOUSTON, CHARGED WITH AGGRAVATED SLAPITUDE, BATTERY, & RETRO GAYNESS FOR RECORDING MR. TELEPHONE MAN
“‘ROCK ‘EM, SOCK ‘EM, IT’S A BLAST, I’M GONNA COME HOME AND KICK YOUR CRACKED OUT SKINNY ASS.’ OH YEAH. I THINK IT HAS CHART POTENTIAL,” SAYS MR. HOUSTON IN A PENSIVE MOOD.
DRUG FREE FOR 3, UH, 33, UM, 2 DAYS, ER, MONTHS, YEAH MONTHS AND FUCKING LOVING IT!!!!!
BOBBY “DON’T BE CRUEL UNLESS MY LEMONADE IS COLD” BROWN has been charged with aggravated slapitude and battery three days after his wife, WHITNEY “TWO BALLS & A BROOMSTICK” HOUSTON, made a domestic abuse call to Fulton, Ga., police, strange given that they live 300 miles away in Atlanta, claiming the ex-singer and TOM SIZEMORE-impersonator hit her upside her weave something fierce.
Houston has, predictably, already refused to press charges, but under Georgia law, police can go ahead and charge spousal abuse subjects you know, if they feel like it, and shit.
A DICK SUCK DEMO OR A POTENTIAL PUKING SITUATION? YOU BE THE JUDGE
Brown, who reportedly fled the scene and flew to California and the welcoming bosom of his legal team of IRON MICHAEL TYSONWITZ and LEAD COUNSEL KOBE BRYANT, turned himself in to authorities late Wednesday and appeared in court with Houston at his side to face one count of misdemeanor battery under Georgia's domestic-violence law. The charge of simple battery carries a sentence of up to one year in jail and a $1,000 fine.
The couple held hands in court and left with their arms around each other as Houston exclaimed, "We're still together. I mean who else loves me like he does? Who else cares for me? And more importantly, who else would I find to make my runs?"
OZZY OSBOURNE OFFERS REASSURING WORDS TO FAMILY
Wildman rocker, overweight reformed alky and neutered manchild OZZY OSBOURNE gained full consciousness Wednesday for the first time since undergoing emergency surgery -- and whispered the words "I love you" to his worried family.
The former Black Sabbath star -- who was badly injured in an ATV crash on Monday -- managed to raise a middle finger of reassurance to his concerned wife Sharon Osbourne and daughter Kelly, whose fat assed services we’re interested in obtaining for the newly formed SKULLGAME PICTURES franchise.
CORNHOLIO AUDITIONING THE FAT & SASSY KELLY OSBOURNE FOR A LEAD ROLE IN THE SKULLGAME PRODUCTION OF LICKETY SPLIT
Ozzy was sedated in the days leading up to his accident and most immediately in the two days following his surgery on Monday, but his family stuck by his side at Wexham Park Hospital in Slough, south England -- and they were thrilled when the reality TV star awoke, in reality.
Kelly says she's not "100 percent sure" how the accident happened, but believes the recreational bike, in moving across the ground, hit a chuckhole, or perhaps an indentation, or even a hummock, in the ground, causing Ozzy to take flight from said vehicle before landing with the ATV piling on for a clusterfuck of his aging should-have-been-at-home-counting-his-money ass.
THE MEDICALLY AIDED OSBOURNE MOMENTS BEFORE HIS NEAR FATAL CRASH INTO A MAGICAL, MYSTICAL INVISIBLE BERM
About Ozzy's condition, medical director Dr. DICK JACK says, "He is not physically able to come off the heavily habit-forming meds quite just yet. After 40 years of using said meds you just can’t rush into these things.” When asked if the 55-year-old former Black Sabbath frontman will be able to sing once the tube has been removed, Jack said, "Did he ever? I mean I knew about that great TV show he was in where he played a mumbling, pill-popping fuck-up but we didn’t know nothing about no singing.”
THE PINK & NICOLE RICHIE SLUT SQUAD FUCK SHIT UP & STILL FAIL TO BE FILMED SUCKING POLE LIKE THEIR MUCH MORE ESTEEMED COLLEAGUE PARIS HILTON
Organizers of Wednesday night's Billboard Music Awards are fuming after PINK and LIONEL RICHIE’s daughter NICOLE…. “isn’t it a bit sad when celebrity-designates can’t even make it on name recognition alone” says VINCENT ROSE SR’S SON VINNIE.
ADD ONE HOTEL ROOM, A BINDLE OF MEXICAN BROWN, A COCK & STIR VIGOROUSLY AND VOILA: NAUGHTY NICOLE
Anyway these fucking broads ganked to the gills on goofballs were saying fuck this and fuck that and doing every thing up and outside of that which we most desired to see: our cocks in their mouths.
But worried parents and angry men jammed phone lines when censors, trying to keep the live TV coverage clean while it was beamed to the East Coast, failed to bleep out felon, reformed addict, slut and socialite-turned-reality TV star Lionel Richie’s daughter Nicole Richie, whose expletive-filled questioning of why her show is called "The Simple Life" when it's so difficult to get cow shit out of "a goddamned motherfucking Prada purse" raised concern.
LESBIAN CHIC IS SO, UM, FUCKING CHIC?
They then had to act quickly to prevent the viewing public from seeing PINK and a dancer simulating oral sex during her performance on the show.
In response the entire SKULLGAME nation wonders what the fuck is it with all of this simulation when we have perfectly good cocks willing to be sucked right over here.
'OVER-DEMANDING' FAGGOT TIMBERLAKE INTERVIEW AXED
An interview with pop hunk Justin Timberlake was axed by a British radio station last week after his managers issued a list of "unreasonable" demands to the presenter.
MICHAEL JACKSON SINGING UP A STORM
At SKULLGAME we’ve gotten our hands on JUSTIN’s listed of demands, which we reprint here for your outrage.
JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE’S DO NOT TALK LIST
1) EMINEM
2) MICHAEL JACKSON
3) NEGRO IMPERSONATORS IN GENERAL
4) IRAQ
5) PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH
6) INTERNATIONAL ECONOMIC POLICY INFLUENCE IN POST-NASSER EGYPT
7) THAT CUNT BRITNEY SPEARS
